Girls Can't Be Boys
by x0xTruffle-Tartx0x
Summary: ...or can they? Monique Illyria is not one to be told she can't play Quidditch because of her gender. So she goes undercover and pretends to be a boy. Can she prove that she's good enough? OMG! over 13000 reads!
1. Girls Can Be Boys

Disclaimer: Dn't own Hp on wit da story! But first read my A/N

HI! I was watching my She's the Man DVD (Channing Tatum serious eye candy! YAY!) when I came up with this idea. It's kinda based on Twelfth Night by Shakespeare like She's the Man but there's no brother or anything. And instead of football (She's the Man) it's Quidditch. Anyway, I'm just testing the water with this one. So please leave a review and tell me if I should carry this story on.

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Monique Illyria was just coming out of the most boring History of Magic lesson she'd ever slept through, her best friend Lily Evans talking about how she'd love to give Professor Binns teaching tips. Monique was laughing along until she spotted the back of a scruffy haired boy further along the corridor. She bid her 'see you laters' to Lily and began to run after him. unfortunately for her James Potter had very long legs and could walk rather fast. She was pushing people out of the way to get to him. _I guess I'm not making many friends today,_ she thought as people swore at her.

"James!" she called, running after him through the corridors. "JAMES!" She caught up with him. He looked startled at first, wondering who she was, then he broke into an arrogant smile.

"I'm sorry but there's only one girl for me and that is Lily Evans, although I am flattered I really am. Sirius is free though, fresh from a bad relationship and ready for a new one," James grinned.

"Ew, as if," Monique said. "I wanted to ask when Quidditch try-outs were."

"Why, want to watch me flex my muscles?" Sirius butted in.

"Will you just tell me," Monique turned back to James.

"This Saturday," he replied.

"Great, you're looking for a beater aren't you?" Monique smiled.

"Wait, you want to try out?" James sniggered.

"Yes," Monique replied.

"Girls can't play Quidditch!" Sirius laughed.

"Excuse me?" Monique snapped.

"You can't play Quidditch. Maybe on an all girls team, maybe if you were a butch lesbian but you! I could snap you into little pieces. And a bludger would kill you in five seconds!" James snorted. Monique could feel anger rising in her. She mentally counted to ten, knowing then that it wouldn't work.

"Well I'll just have to prove you wrong on Saturday," Monique said, as calmly as she could.

"Look, whoever you are, you're not trying out. You're not going to get on the team," James said.

"I'm Monique Illyria, Lily's best friend. I'm starting to see why she won't date a sexist bastard like you," Monique said.

"Get real, girls can't play Quidditch as well as boys, it's a fact. And if you want Gryffindor to win and if we want Gryffindor to win you can't be on the team," Sirius said, putting his arm around me. "But I bet you're good in bed." My knee made contact with his groin in less than a second.

"You may think that I'm too frail to hit a bludger across a Quidditch pitch but there's no denying I can kick you in the balls anytime I want!" Monique snarled before storming off.

"She's not getting on the team but she's one hell of a woman," James grinned down at his friend, who was on the floor.

"Shut up Prongs!" Sirius said through gritted teeth.

* * *

Monique had stormed to the Common room and was ranting and raving to her best friend, Lily Evans.

"…I can't believe them! Saying I couldn't be on the team just because I'm a girl! I'm going to McGonagall about this! I'm going to Dumbledore about this!" Monique yelled, pacing infront of the armchair in which Lily sat. She then let out an almighty roar and threw a cusion straight into the face of a first year, who shrieked and ran to hide in a corner.

"I told you they were arrogant self-obsessed gits didn't I?" Lily said, inspecting her cuticles. Monique reached for another cusion but Lily grabbed it off her. "Stop terrosrising the first years!"

"I hope Sirius can still feel the pain!" Monique snapped.

"What?" Lily's attention snapped from her nails to her friend.

"I kicked him in the balls Lily," Monique said. "He's had it coming he has anyway. I hate him! I HATE HIM!" Monique threw another cusion, not caring where it went. it hit over a flower vase.

"Monique, yell louder why don't you, so the Slytherins in the dungeons can hear you," Lily said, flicking her wand in the direction of the broken vase, repairing it.

"What?" Monique said.

"Shut up before the whole house thinks you've gone barmy. And stop thrwoing stuff.Sit down!" Lily grabbed her robes and pulled Monique down onto the armchair next to her own. Monique sat in silence for a few minutes.

"I've got it!" she yelled, jumping from her seat. Lily pulled her friend back down again.

"What?" Lily asked.

"I have to talk to Dumbledore," Monique said. "I'll see you later Lils."

"What? Monique come back!" Lily yelled. "Don't do anything too drastic!" ButMonique was already running to Dumbledore's office.


	2. Becoming a Boy

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter  
A/N I really didn't think that people would like this idea that much but I've had four reviews! (That's a lot to me!) telling me to carry on and that it was good so I've written this chapter. I started it last night and finished it today and I hope you like it. Once again please review as I am at the young age of 13 and would welcome any tips and ideas. Thankyou xx

* * *

"Professor, that is my plan," Monique grinned. She was quite proud of her idea. 

"So Miss Illyria you want me to pretend that you have gone to visit your long lost twin in Thailand whilst you actually stay here and pretend to be a boy so you can get onto the Quidditch team?" Dumbledore asked.

"Yes Professor," Monique smiled.

"Wouldn't it be easier for me to tell the team to let you on it?" Dumbledore said.

"Maybe but it wouldn't change what they thought. They'd just let me on because you said so," Monique replied. Dumbledore seemed to like her way of thinking.

"Well I give you permission," Dumbledore smiled. He took out a piece of parchment and scribbled something on it. Not that Dumbledore ever scribbled he just wrote his thing, swirling writing very fast.

"Go to Professor Slughorn, he is in the Potions dungeon and give him this note. Make sure no one sees you," Dumbledore said. Monique smiled and took the parchment. "And Miss Illyria."

"Yes Professor?" Monique turned back.

"Good luck," Dumbledore smiled. Monique grinned and skipped down the stairs. She skulked through the corridors seemingly unseen. But unbeknown to her someone else was skulking in the shadows, watching her every move.

"Professor Dumbledore wants me to make a Potion to change your appearance to make you more like a boy?" Slughorn said.

"Yes," Monique said.

"Are you looking for a sex change Miss Illyria?" Slughorn asked.

"No!" Monique replied. "I want to get onto the Gryffindor Quidditch team but because I'm a girl they think that I'm not good enough."

"There is a girl on the Slytherin team," Slughorn muttered.

"That's probably why they think girls can't play Quidditch," Monique replied. "When will this Potion be ready?"

"In fifteen minutes or so," Slughorn replied. "Have you thought about what your name will be when you're appearing to be a male? Or how you will act?"

"Professor I have three older brothers, I'm sure I can handle it. As for names, I'll be Malcolm Cornwall, Monique's cousin. Monique is away meeting her long lost twin in Thailand and I have coincidentally chosen to start at Hogwarts but late because I've had the chicken pox," Monique replied, smiling because she had it all worked out.

"I see," Slughorn said. Monique rolled her eyes.

"The potion is ready," Slughorn poured it into a flask and gave it to Monique. "You will have to drink this once a day just before you sleep for as long as you want to look like a boy."

"Ok," Monique said. She took a sip tentatively. It tasted ok, but not something she'd want to be drinking in different circumstances.

"You'll need to drink more than that," Slughorn said. Monique took two more large gulps. "Good, you'll need to take that kind of amount every day. And you still have to take that tonight."

"Do you have a mirror?" Monique asked. She jumped, started at the plummet her voice had taken. It was deep and, dare she call it, manly?

"Oh God!" she whispered to herself. Her hair was cropped, and stuck up in little tufts over her head. It had these stupid light brown streaks in it that looked so out of place with the rest of the dark black. Her eyes were less round but still the same dark brown. Her face was more angular, chiseled cheekbones were in place and she had thick brows. She could barely recognize herself. Or himself. She didn't know, this was strange.

"Well hello Malcolm," Slughorn smirked.

"Erm, hello Professor," Monique said in her gruff voice. "Why have I got brown streaks in my hair? Do you know how cheap it looks?"

"Don't fuss over your hair, you sound like a girl," Slughorn said.

"Yeah, because you'd know all about manliness," Monique said.

"You don't want to sound a bitchy teenage girl do you?" Slughorn said. "Now I'll get rid of the streaks." Slughorn got out his wand muttering something about trying to keep in with the trend.

Dumbledore met her coming out of the dungeons with her new trunk which had all her old things in a secret compartment and her new 'boy' clothes.

"Sir, how did you know it was me?" Monique asked.

"Well Malcolm, I have my ways," Dumbledore smiled.

"Thanks sir," Monique grinned.

"Well here's a map of the school. I hope you settle in well," Dumbledore handed over a simple map of the school. Monique thanked him and went off to the Gryffindor Common Room. She had to keep reminding herself to glance at the map every now and again. When she got there people stared as she made her way to the boys' dorms.

The smell was the first thing she noticed. It hit her as hard a dung bomb. It smelled like cheap designer-imitation aftershave mingled with smelly sock and BO with a lingering scent of congealed food. Then a whole charge of fifth years barged past her without a single 'excuse me'. Scowling, she entered the seventh year dormitory. She soon found where all the smells were coming from. Mouldy, half-eaten food was strewn across the floor, boxers and dirty Quidditch robes were scrunched up in corners, and peering into the shared bathroom and shower room she saw open bottles of cheap aftershave. It was disgusting. Monique was just glad her bed was clean, for the moment.

"Who are you?" she turned round to see Sirius Black stood in the doorway. Monique had to hold back from rolling my eyes.

"Uh, Malcolm Cornwall," Monique said gruffly, holding out her hand for Sirius to shake.

"Are you new?" Sirius asked.

"Looks like it," Monique said. "What's your name?"

"Sirius Black," Sirius replied. "When did you come here?"

"This morning, Dumbledore's been explaining everything," Monique replied. "I'm Monique Illyria's cousin. Do you know her?"

"Yeah. I mean I've seen her around but I only actually found her name out this morning when she got into an argument with James," Sirius replied. "I haven't seen her for a while actually."

"Oh, Dumbledore told me she's gone to Thailand," Monique said airily.

"Why?" Sirius asked.

"To see her long lost twin sister," Monique replied, as if it were as normal as pumpkin juice.

"Ah, ok then. At least she won't be trying to get onto the Quidditch team. Honestly that girl seriously over estimates herself," Sirius sighed. Monique clenched her fists ready to start throwing things again. She restrained herself and opened her trunk. She began throwing her new boy robes and jeans onto the bed with a considerable amount of force.

"Do you play Quidditch," Monique asked through gritted teeth. Sirius couldn't see the expression of pure anger on Monique's face as she wasn't facing him or he may have run away screaming.

"Yeah, beater. You?" Sirius replied.

"Beater," Monique replied.

"You should try out for the team, we're looking for another beater," Sirius said.

"Cool, when are try-outs?" Monique asked, her anger fading and excitement rising. She was pulling this off!

"This Saturday, Quidditch pitch at eleven 'o clock'," Sirius said.

"Sweet," Monique grinned.

"I've gotta go, but I'll see you around dude," Sirius grinned and left. Monique grinned to herself and started jumping up and down, squealing with glee.

"Hurray! Hurray! Hurray! For me! I'm gonna be a beater! I'm gonna be a beater! Nanananana! Hehe! Haha! Hoho! Hoohaa! YAAAAY! Woo hoo!" Monique jumped around on her very bouncy bed, not noticing the stink and dirtiness of the dorm. She stopped and saw Peter Pettigrew standing in the doorway looking petrified. Monique froze. She jumped of the bed and went up to him. She was taller than him by at least a foot.

"Hi, I'm Malcolm Cornwall," she grinned. Peter squeaked and scuttled off. Monique shrugged and proceeded to do a celebratory dance.


	3. Seeing a new side of Sirius

Disclaimer: Don't own HP  
A/N Anywayz dis is ma update and I hope u lyked it. I would've updated sooner but I woz propa busy. So here it is plz leave a review and tell me wot u fink. thnx sweeties -x-

Monique got out of bed feeling groggy. How she missed her old bed. It was so soft and worn, perfectly bouncy and never uncomfortable. This new mattress was killing her. She got up yawning. Looking around her she saw the Marauders sprawled out over their beds, some had arms and legs hanging off the ends of their beds. James was so tall his toes peeked out from his duvet. Then again it didn't help that he'd pulled it up to his chin. And he only wore one sock which was fraying and had a large hole in it. _How sophisticated,_ Monique thought. She reached behind her neck for her usually long shiny dark hair only to remember that she didn't have long hair anymore. She'd made sure she was alone in the toilet cubicle of the shared shower rooms before she took a few swigs of Professor Slughorn's potion. She was sure no one knew. But the thought was always there niggling at the back of her mind. Then again, it wasn't as if she'd get into trouble. And she would've gone ahead with her plan even if Dumbledore disagreed. She had a feeling Dumbledore knew that. Dumbledore knew lots of things really. But Monique would never want to be as wise as him. Much too much responsibility and hassle. She'd just be her average self. She noticed that Peter was watching suspiciously with one eye open, pretending to be asleep.

"Good morning! I don't think I caught your name last night!" Monique grinned.

"Peter Pettigrew," he said from beneath his duvet. He looked at Monique warily.

"What do you think I'm going to do. Whip out my wand and hex you?" Monique questioned, raising an eyebrow. Peter made a small, terrified squeak before cowering back behind his covers. _Weird,_ Monique thought. She glanced out of the window. The day was grey and dreary. Her grey jeans and silk white shirt combo immediately popped into her head. Then she remembered that she'd be wearing boys jeans, trainers and a tee. How boring. How she longed to wear her heels. Looking down at her hairy man feet she changed her mind. _God how do boys cope? How can they resist the urge to wax all that orang-utan-gene away? God! I have Yeti feet!_ Monique grabbed a towel and took advantage of the empty shower. She spend five minutes in there, not having to shave or mess around with long hair. Then again she wondered how boys didn't shampoo their body hair, there seemed to be so much of it. Still she only looked like a boy; she was still technically a girl. Seeing as she'd score a zero in the trouser-snake department.

Coming out of the shower Monique dressed in some dark jeans, white trainers and a blue top. She was just pulling on her shirt as the other boys woke up.

"Oh, you must be the new guy, I'm James Potter the best Quidditch Captain Hogwarts has ever seen!" James grinned, his hair really messy and a trail of drool snaking it's way all the way up to his forehead (_how the hell did it get there!_) and then back down to his chin and down his neck.

"Yeah sure, I'm Malcolm, Malcolm Cornwall," Monique grinned. Sirius was already in the shower.

"Hi, I'm Remus Lupin," Remus smiled. he looked a little worn. Like a touch old boot. Monique just nodded.

"That's Peter Pettigrew," Sirius said. Then he and James chorused, "And together we are the MARAUDERS!" _YAY! _Monique thought sarcastically.

"We are the most popular guys in school," Sirius said.

"And the best pranksters ever!" James grinned.

"Ok, you have a little club, cute," Monique said.

"Well we do have club meetings, that you won't be able to attend unfortunately," Sirius said.

"I'm sure I'd welcome the time not spent with you," Monique said.

"What was that?" Sirius asked.

"I was just saying I'll be going to spend some time in the Great Hall now," Monique smiled brightly. "See you."

"But you don't know the way," James said, climbing out of bed.

"I'm sure someone will show me," Monique said. She then left the room before they could argue any more. Monique hurried down to the Great Hall, making sure no one was following her. Looking over her shoulder she suddenly bumped− no banged− into someone. Books fell down onto the floor, an ink bottle smashed and the only theing the girl still had hold of were her quills.

"I'm sorry," Monique said. "My fault." She bent down to help pick up her books. The girl flicked her wand at the spilt ink and it all repaired itself. Monique handed over her books.

"It's fine really," the girl said. Looking up Monique realized that she was Kiera, a pretty blonde girl in the same year as Monique. Kiera was in the same dorm as Monique but they'd never really talked. Monique and Lily hung out and Kiera hung out with a group of Ravenclaws with her fellow Gryffindor, Sarah. They didn't hate each other and chatted occasionally in corridors but they weren't friends. Monique smiled brightly at her.

"Were you just going to breakfast?" Kiera asked.

"Yeah, you too?" Monique replied.

"Yeah, do you mind if I join you?" Kiera smiled.

"Not at all," Monique grinned. She helped carry Kiera's books and they ate breakfast together, chatting like old friends. Then when the Marauders came into the Great Hall some time later and Monique and Kiera were discussing Transfiguration, they joined the two girls. Sirius immediately began flirting with Kiera even though it was common knowledge that he'd found himself a girl just the day before, a few hours after Monique had kicked him in the balls. She was sitting at the Gryffindor table, staring dreamily at him. This made Monique's blood boil. Why was she just sat there watching as her boyfriend flirted with someone else? Although how anyone could be a boyfriend after barely a day was past Monique. She sure as hell wouldn't ever let a guy treat her like that.

"Anyway, I've got to go. Professor McGonagall said she'd let me do some extra credit to raise my grade in Transfiguration," Kiera sighed getting up. "See you guys, bye Malcolm." She smiled at Monique before walking away, clutching her books. Then she looked back and did a little wave before leaving.

"How did you do that?" Sirius hissed.

"What?" Monique asked, looking up from her soggy cornflakes.

"Get her to like you!" Sirius said.

"She doesn't _like_ me," Monique said, her heart pounding. She could not have a girl _like_ her.

"Yeah, she does, she gave you the smile, then she turned back whilst walking away and waved at you!" Sirius said.

"So that means she _likes_ me!" Monique said, raising an eyebrow. _God no wonder guys find girls so hard to figure out. They get it all wrong then blame us! They are so clueless!_

"Wait a second, you fancy her?" Monique grinned. This was news, Sirius Black fancied no one. He just went out with everyone.

"No, she's just fit that's all," Sirius replied. Monique would have believed him if it wasn't for the pink blush creeping to his cheeks. Sirius Black didn't blush either, he was so pale he didn't look like he had enough blood. And besides, he was too cool for that.

"No way man! You are blushing," Monique laughed.

"Shut up!" Sirius said, going redder. The Sirius Black who hung out with his friends was so different from the Sirius Black who showed off to everyone else. Monique was beginning to see a new side of him.


	4. Quidditch Tryouts!

Disclaimer: Dn't own HP  
A/N Afta ma reviews tellin me 2 update I have. Soz itz not very long but give me a lil more tym n I shud b rytin a longa 1 4 ya soon. By da way I haven't planned dis I'm just makin it up as I go along. I have a vague idea of what's gonna happen and I would welcome any plot ideas from you. thnx -x-

Saturday morning rolled around soon enough. Monique was up, showered, dressed and eating a bowl of cornflakes heavily topped with sugar.

"Should you really put that much sugar on cornflakes?" Kiera asked who was sat next to Monique.

"Well I don't want them to be un-sweet," Monique replied.

"Why don't you get the frosted ones then?" Kiera asked.

"Because, they're too sweet," Monique said. Kiera laughed. Her laugh was like a tinkling bell and Sirius stared out of the corner of his eye. Not listening to a word the overly made up bleached blonde Ravenclaw was twittering on about.

"Siri-poo!" she pouted. James choked on his blueberry pancake and gulped down some pumpkin juice only to have it spew out of his nose as he heard the girl simper, "Yes my Siri-Poo baby woo!" That earned James a kick on the shin.

"What?" James protested loudly. Monique and Kiera turned to see what was going on. Sirius had to avert his eyes.

"Siri-poo! You never listen to me!" the bimbo lisped, flouncing off. James burst into laughter.

"Can you shut up?" Sirius growled.

"Siri-poo we never talk anymore!" James laughed in a high-pitched lisp. "Siri-poo! Siri-poo baby wooooo!" Sirius rolled his eyes.

"James, leave the man alone. We've all been there. Too clingy, too many nicknames," Monique said.

"Well James hasn't," Sirius grinned. James gave him a warning look. "He's never had a strict _girlfriend_, just lots of dates."

"I'm saving myself," James said.

"For the unobtainable," Sirius added. Now it was Sirius's turn to be kicked in the shin.

"Well boys we'd better go. There are Quidditch try-outs to be held!" James announced in a deep voice. He strode out of the Great hall, Sirius doing his 'cool' walk behind him. He winked to the girls of Gryffindor before he left the Great Hall.

"Siri-poo! Wait! Siri-poo baby!" the bleached blonde clattered after him in her enormous impossible-to-walk-in shoes. She tripped and fell into the laps of a few Hufflepuff first years who all waggled their eyebrows at her. She squeaked and hurriedly got up, attempting to run again, whilst holding her too-short skirt down so it wouldn't ride up her hips.

"Well I'd better go too," Monique got up, feeling butterflies-no elephants stampeding in her stomach, whilst it tried to imitate a washing machine.

"See you later soon-to-be-Gryffindor-Beater!" Kiera smiled.

"Don't, I might not make the team," Monique said. _But I bloody well had do or several first years will be in my firing line of whatever comes to hand_.

"See you then," Kiera grinned. Monique forced a smile and went to her dorm to get her broom. Her dad made it himself. It was fast and sleek. It had her name engraved onto the handlebar. _Oh crap! It's got Monique engraved on it! Noooo!_ What was she going to do? _I'll just cover it up with a spell_. Monique pulled a large book of spells out from beneath her bed and began flicking through it agitatedly. _What? There aren't any spells for hiding names engraved on broomsticks. What the hell is wrong with this world!_ She slammed the book closed and kicked it under her bed. _Ow! Damn you book! Damn you!_ She then raced out of the dorm and to the Quidditch pitch muttering, "Crappy spellbooks."

"Now the Gryffindor team needs to be the best! We have to win! We must win at all costs! Remember that I am your captain, you leader! You must all bow down to me!" James proclaimed.

"Shut up and get on with it!" Monique snapped. She was about to add, "You're no great leader just a sexist git!" But decided against it.

"A little agitated I see!" James's eyes twinkled.

"A little less of the speeches and more Quidditch please," Monique fake smiled. _Before I shove this broomstick so far up your arse you'll never get it out again!_

"Ok Beaters over there, Chasers in that corner…" James finally started taking order. Monique went over to where he was pointing and noticed that her competitors were two other third years. They looked scared out of their wits.

"Ok youngest first for the Beaters," James called.

"Whatever happened to age before beauty?" Monique muttered. "Although I must say in this case it would be the age and beauty before the dim-witted kiddies." First they had to hit a normal bludger shaped ball back and forth with Sirius (think tennis on broomsticks). The third year did let it drop to the ground many times. Then the second went on and was terrible. Monique's stomach was turning. But when it came to be her turn she delivered. She hadn't been practicing all summer for northing. She even hit the ball so far that Sirius couldn't hit it back. _And that's girl power for you Mr Girls-aren't-as-good-as-boys-I'm-a-sexist-git_. She then returned to the ground to sit on the stands and watch everyone else try out. There was a crowd of girls down below cheering for Sirius and James. They'd made them up themselves. Monique grinned to herself and went down to them.

"Hey girls, here's a cheer," she grinned.

"Really?" a girl who had Sirius' face printed on her t-shirt.

"Yes, repeat after me in a cheer," Monique said. The girls nodded. "Sirius! Sirius! He is fit!"

"_Sirius! Sirius! He is fit!_" the girls sang happily.

"We'll gladly let him feel our tits," Monique said.

"_We'll gladly let him feel our tits!_" the girls repeated stupidly. Monique ran up to the Quidditch stands to be out of their way for when they realized what they'd said. Laughing to herself Monique wondered if she'd get on the team. And what she'd do to James if she didn't.


	5. Sirius Black, my saviour!

Disclaimer: Dn't own HP  
A/N: Another chapter done and dusted. I really hope you like it. As always please review because I love getting feedback from my stories (obviously i like good reviews more than bad but w/eva...) This is my fave fic that I've authored so don't be too harsh! So yeah, enjoy!

Monique sidled up to James, then realized it wasn't very manly to sidle. So she slapped his shoulder.

"When will you say who's in the team?" she asked.

"Probably tomorrow, we're still debating," James said.

"Who's we? You're the captain," Monique said. _Good god! Don't tell me James has some kind of split personality and refers to himself as we! He is such a weirdo._

"I like do discuss it with the team," James said.

"Or just Sirius," Monique said with a raised eyebrow.

"Well yeah," James grinned. Then he spotted something behind Monique and his hand went straight to mess up his hair. Monique rolled her eyes. "See you later, I've got to go."

"Yeah," Monique laughed. James ran up to Lily and grinned at her.

"Hey Malcolm!" Kiera had suddenly appeared beside him.

"Oh hey," Monique smiled. "Let's walk."

"Sure. Do you know if you're on the team yet?" Kiera asked.

"Nah, James is discussing it with Sirius," Monique replied.

"Sirius is probably worried because you're better than him," Kiera said.

"You really think I'm better than Sirius?" Monique grinned.

"Yeah, even when Sirius isn't showing off to his fangirls and he's concentrating you're still better than him," Kiera smiled. "Let's blow off History of Magic eh?"

"Kiera! I didn't think you were that kind of a girl!" Monique joked, but her heart was thumping. Was this girl implying what Monique thought she was? The dreaded broom closet.

"Malcolm! Get your mind out of the gutter!" Kiera laughed. "I just wanted to hang out. Maybe go down to the lake and talk. Or study in the library, I'm sure it'd do more good than trying to stay awake in History of Magic."

"Oh right!" Monique breathed a sigh of relief. "Yeah ok."

"Great, I'll just go up to the dorm for a bit and leave some of my books and I'll meet you at the table near the dragon books in the Library," Kiera grinned. "See you in a bit."

"See you," Monique said. Kiera waved as she ran down the corridor. Monique went to the library and sat down. She'd begun accustomed to sitting like a man. Slouched down wither legs wide open. Not very ladylike but quite comfortable anyway. In ten minutes Kiera came bouncing in. Her blonde hair looked very sleek and shiny, as if it had been brushed. She'd changed out of her school robes and into a pair of jeans and a skimpy pink top. Monique could swear she smelt Chanel perfume.

"Hey, why'd you get all dressed up?" Monique asked. Kiera just giggled.

"I'm not dressed up," she said. She looked pretty pleased with herself though. "Hey will you help me with my Transfiguration essay. I'm just so hopeless."

"Ok but I'm not that good either. So don't blame me if you get a crap grade," Monique grinned. Kiera laughed again.

"How can you say that? You're pretty clever sometimes," Kiera smiled. It seemed like she couldn't stop smiling at him. Monique smiled back. _I feel lesbian-ish. I think I'm having girl withdrawal symptoms or something. Her top is quite cute. I wonder where she shops._ Then I heard some loud people enter the library.

"Hey guys, on a date," Sirius grinned. "Scoot." Kiera rolled her eyes and moved up to make room for James and Sirius.

"Just came to tell you early that I've decided you're on the team, mate," James grinned.

"Really?" Monique gasped. "Ohmigod! Thank you so much!" She felt so happy. James was giving her a weird look. Monique cleared her throat. "I mean, yeah, cool man."

"Next practice is on Friday evening," James said.

"I'll be there," Monique grinned.

"Congrats Malcolm! I know you'll be fab!" Kiera hugged Monique.

"Thanks," Monique grinned.

"So Kiera are you doing anything at Hogsmeade this weekend?" Sirius asked.

"Going shopping with my girls," Kiera said in a monotone.

"Are you sure−" Sirius started.

"I think I'm going to go. Bye guys. Bye Malcolm," Kiera smiled at Malcolm and left.

"Malcolm, please tell me how to get her to like me," Sirius sighed. Monique just grinned. _What if she does like me?_

Monique was sat reading an abandoned issue of the Daily Prophet when Kiera came up to her.

"Hey," she smiled, settling herself down into the armchair next to Monique's.

"Sorry about before. Sirius and James aren't familiar with manners," Monique said.

"No it's fine," Kiera said.

"Are you really going shopping this weekend?" Monique asked.

"No why?" Kiera said.

"Just curious," Monique said.

"Well, are you doing anything this weekend?" Kiera asked.

"Nope," Monique replied.

"D'you think we could hang out?" Kiera asked. "Go to the Three Broomsticks or Madam Puddifoots." Kiera said that delicately.

"Um, Kiera. Look I really like you but I feel that I have to tell you something," Monique treaded carefully. What the hell would she say?

"Yes," Kiera beamed at me.

"Well, I don't want to hurt your feelings but I just don't think of you in that way. We're just friends Kiera. I, um, well you're not my type," Monique said. She smiled inwardly, she was rather happy with how that came out.

"Why not?" Kiera said. "What is your type?"

"Well, um, don'ttellanyonebutIthinkI'mgay," Monique said all in a rush.

"What?" Kiera said. Monique could have bitten her tongue off.

"Nothing," Monique said. _Words! Words! Come back words!_

"No you can tell me," Kiera said, taking Monique's hand.

"I think I might be gay," Monique whispered. She had a pained expression on her face. "Don't tell anyone." Kiera's face fell.

"Oh, don't worry. Don't worry I won't tell anyone. I'd never have guessed," Kiera said.

"Thanks. No one can know," Monique said.

"Don't worry about it Malcolm," Kiera smiled. But looking at Kiera, Monique could tell her thoughts were somewhere else.

"I'm going to go now," Monique got up.

"You don't have to go," Kiera said.

"Yes I do," Monique said. She went up to her dorm. It was empty so she changed into jeans and a sweatshirt. She went out into the Hogwarts grounds. It was quite late. She knew she shouldn't be out. But she needed time to think. To act like a girl for once. The sky was clear with a few stars sprinkled here and there. The full moon was out. It seemed to light up the lake making s sparkle. Monique heard a howl in the distance but thought nothing of it. She went over to the lake and leant against the large oak tree. Maybe she was being a too convincing male. And it was strange how James and Sirius changed when girls weren't around. She'd always agreed with Lily on how arrogant they both were. But she could see now that they were loyal, funny and good mates to have. It was like they had a personality transplant when girls weren't in the picture. She though about Sirius laughing. How his grey eyes crinkled up and he laughed in short sharp barks. He threw his head back, his mouth open wide showing his wonderful smile. A smile crept onto Monique's face. _Holy crap! Why am I thinking about Sirius this way? I guess I wasn't lying when I said I was gay. If I'm going to go round thinking about the opposite sex but people with think they're the same sex because they think I'm a guy but I'm a girl so they'll think I'm gay but really I'm not gay I'm just acting gay. But if I really do have feelings for Sirius then I'm not gay really, people will just think I am._ Deep in thought Monique didn't notice the large wolf running towards her. She only noticed when it was too late. It was leaping towards her. Then a huge black dog came bounding towards her. _Oh great, the whole zoo is attacking me._ Monique let out a girlish scream. The black dog made her come toppling to the ground. Then a deer fought the wolf off in the opposite direction. _Where did all the bloody animals come from?_ The dog was still lying on Monique. It was damned heavy and she was finding it hard to breathe. Suddenly it transformed into a person. Long shaggy hair, grey eyes.

"Sirius?" Monique said.

"What are you doing out here?" Sirius asked.

"What are you doing out here. Holy crap! You're an animagus. And James right? You're all animaguses!" Monique yelled.

"Shut up!" Sirius snapped.

"Hey, if Remus is a wolf, because Peter sure as hell is no wolf, why was Remus attacking me?" Monique asked.

"Malcolm, Remus isn't an animagus," Sirius sighed. Then it clicked in her brain. If he didn't have any control over himself, because Remus didn't seem like the type to attack people. He did seem really really tired once a month. It was a full moon.

"He's a werewolf," Monique's voice was barely audible. Sirius looked at her, pained.

"Don't you dare tell anyone. Or I will kick your ass," Sirius threatened.

"Of course not! I'm not that kinda girl, I mean guy," Monique said. "And you, James and Peter transform with him to make sure he doesn't hurt anyone?" Sirius nodded. "God you are really good friends."

"Please don't tell anyone Malcolm," Sirius said.

"I said I wouldn't so I'm not going to," Monique said.

"You'd better go back to the castle," Sirius said.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," Monique said.

"Don't tell Remus, he won't want to think that he almost… Well just don't tell him, it'll upset him," Sirius said.

"Yeah," Monique said. She made her way back up to the castle. _Hmm, Sirius Black, my saviour._

**Dn't 4get 2 review! -x-**


	6. I do not fancy Sirius Black!

Disclaimer: I don't own HP!  
A/N So here's the long awaited chappie. I know it took a little longer than the others but I didn't really know what to write and didn't have much time to think about it because I was busy. You know shopping for new school stuff (like shoes and cute stationary.) You know I got the cutest Elle Girl pencil case from Woolies! It's metallic pink with a black velvet ribbon on it. Majorly cute! I love it. I'm kinda looking forward to going back to school and seeing my friends. But not really to the lessons and mean teachers. And learning a new language, Spanish! Argh! And I'm hoping the weather gets a little better so I'm not walking home in a rainstorm every night! It's raining right now. That's why I thought I'd get this chapter done. You see I was going to go out and get my supply of Extra chewing gum, but I don't want to go outside because it's raining and I'm comfy and warm in my house with my kitten. So anway, on the with the story! Oh yeah, please review! Thankyou so much to everyone who has given reviews, they mean a lot to me and push me to keep this fic going! Thank you!

I found myself staring at my saviour a lot more in the next few days. I never really realised I was doing it. I was sat with Kiera in the library. We were both working on homework and I was daydreaming. I was staring out of the window at the Marauders laughing and joking outside in the sunshine doing their work.

"You fancy Sirius don't you?" Kiera said. I snapped back into life.

"No!" I protested.

"Yes you do. It's obvious. Oh Malcolm you can tell me. You know I won't tell anyone," Kiera took my hand. _God, this girl is going to grow up to be a shrink._ I nodded. Mostly because I didn't know what to say. _I hope she's not right!_ The thought of me fancying Sirius was … disturbing. Looking back out at him I wondered how Kiera could ever have thought that. Sirius was now doing a fake kung fu fight with James. I couldn't help rolling my eyes. And I could sense Kiera looking at me smugly. _No way! I do not fancy Sirius. I, I hate Sirius. He's so arrogant and, sexist and, um and gorgeous. Whoa! No no no no no no! Not gorgeous. Err he has a … fit arse. _I slapped myself on the hand.

"Malcolm, are you alright?" Kiera asked, one eyebrow raised.

"I think the heat's getting to me. I'm going to go outside and get some fresh air," I said. Then I ran out of the library. _Damn you thoughts! Damn you!_

I went round to the back of the castle. No one really goes there because it's always in the shadows and the wind always goes back there. I leant against the wall, thinking. I had worked hard to make myself a boy. I couldn't throw it away because some stupid girl who fancies me tells me I fancy Sirius. _Because I don't. I really don't. _Only I wasn't so sure. _Uh, yes I am!_ He did have a pretty good backside though. _Yeah, that is true._ _**So what should I do? **Pinch it.** No not his bum! The situation!** Oh right! I dunno. Nothing. Carry on as if nothing has happened. Because it hasn't. **Yeah, you're right. **Yes. **So that's what we'll do. **Who's we? Oh god I'm having a conversation in my own mind. I'm going barmy. And it's all Sirius's fault. Stupid git. _I sighed and went back to the library. Kiera actually looked worried.

"Don't look worried. I'm fine," I said. I sat down across from her and couldn't help but notice her leg brush against mine. _I'm sure that wasn't accidental. _

"You just looked really weird that's all," Kiera said.

"Thanks," I said.

"No! I didn't mean you looked… well you know?" Kiera stammered. I grinned at her.

"I'm tired of homework. Why don't we work on your boyfriend list?" I suggested. Kiera grinned at me. But I could tell it wasn't a true grin. She didn't have this sparkle in her eyes.

"So far we have Simon Trell," I said.

"No way! I'm not having troll boy," Kiera said.

"Be nice!" I said. "There's that Tim guy from Ravenclaw. He's in your year."

"He is cute, I'll admit that," Kiera smiled. "Put him on the possibles list."

"Who else?" I wondered.

"What about Sirius Black. I mean, I know you fancy him but I don't think he's…" Kiera trailed off. There was a silence. _Well this is awkward. I swear I'll never call anyone gay as an insult again. It is hard being gay!_

"No, I don't mind. And I don't fancy him," I said.

"I think you do!" Kiera sang. _No I don't you stupid cow!_

"Seriously I don't," I said.

"Of course you do," Kiera grinned.

"Look, this has been nice but I have to go," I said.

"It's not because of me is it?" Kiera suddenly looked worried. _Why do you care what a guy thinks? Live for yourself stupid girl? Don't let guys walk all over you!_

"No I have to go anyway. I have to go do some guy stuff, you know," I said.

"Yeah," Kiera smiled. _Good 'cause I sure as hell don't. _"Forgive me if I'm being insensitive but d'you think you could sort something for me and Sirius. I'm free for the next Hogsmeade weekend. That's in a couple of weeks." I gathered my books.

"Yeah sure," I said. Then I left for the second time.

Over the next few days, for some unknown reason, I couldn't approach Sirius. Kiera kept on reminding me about asking him out for her.

"If you're so bothered you ask him!" I snapped. Kiera looked hurt. "Sorry, I'm a bit grouchy. It's the time of the−" I faltered. I was about to say it was the time of the month. Which wouldn't be lying.

"The time of the what?" Kiera asked.

"The time of the uh star of Taurus, that means I get a bit crabby for about a week or so," I said.

"Star signs?" Kiera said. I nodded earnestly. She laughed. "Look there's Sirius. Go ask him!" I sighed and got up from my comfortable seat in the Common room. It was in the perfect position too. The perfect distance from the fire. Close enough to keep me nicely warmed but not so close that I got too hot. I was sad to leave it but if asking Sirius out for Kiera would get her off my back so be it. As soon as I got up a first year scooted into my seat and lounged comfortably.

"Oi! Sirius!" I called. I ran up to him as he started climbing the boys' dorm stairs. He had a giggling brunette on his arm.

"Mate, I'm a little busy," Sirius grinned, waggling his eyebrows. _Stupid git! Why is that girl letting herself be treated that way?_

"Well this will only take a minute," I said. I shooed the brunette away. She sighed and ran a hand silkily across Sirius's chest before stepping a few paces away.

"What?" Sirius asked. "You're messing up my shag."

"Oh well, I'll just have to tell Kiera you said no then," I said.

"What?" Sirius jumped.

"Kiera wants to go with you on the next Hogsmeade trip but since your shag is waiting…" I trailed off.

"No, I will go with her. Tell her yes," Sirius grinned.

"Well you'd better not sleep with that girl then. Might make Kiera change her mind," I said.

"Yeah, sure," Sirius grinned. I'd never seen Sirius so happy about going out with a girl. Usually he'd look bored with the talk and walking round Hogsmeade. _That's because he's only after one thing. I hope Kiera knows what she's getting herself into. _He unceremoniously dumped the brunette and she ran up to her sixth year dorm room crying her eyes out. Sirius didn't seem to care that he'd crushed her like a bug underfoot. _See brain! I don't fancy him! I'd rather snog Peter Pettigrew than go out with him. No wait, on second thoughts I'd rather face Sirius than let any part of my body come into contact with that little rat._ I felt a prickling sensation on my neck. I turned to see Peter staring at me evilly. _God he is so creepy._ I smiled and waved. _I'm such a bitch!_ He glared in return. Remus was next to him and he grinned at me. I sat down again. Not in a comfy armchair unfortunately but in one of the upholstered chairs nearer the back. It was drawn up against a table. Only then did I realise Lily was sat on the table too.

"Hi," I said. Lily looked up from her textbook.

"Oh, hi," she said in a flat voice. It seemed like ages since I'd even seen Lily, let alone talked to her. And I didn't even tell her I was going to become Malcolm. Then at least I wouldn't have to pretend with her. _So don't pretend with her._

"Lily," I said. I had to treat carefully.

"What? I'm trying to do my homework," Lily snapped.

"I'm Monique," I whispered.

"What?" Lily hissed.

"I'm Monique," I whispered once more.


	7. I'm Monique

**Disclaimer: I dn't own HP  
A/N: Ok I know it's not very long but I've been busy buying new things for school and having sleepovers tehehe! I personally think this chapter's a bit crappy but hopefully you will leave reviews and change my mind. I actually feel rather guilty because I haven't updated in a while and this chapter's so short. I rpomise I'll try and get a better chapter next time. Ok? Please review. THis chapter is basically about the relationship between Lily and Monique (aka Malcolm) because I felt that you readers didn't really know much about it. The only thing we've seen of it before this chapter is the 1st chapter and I don't think that portrays how they are with each other very well. So here it is. Please enjoy and review!  
**

"No you're not! Is this one of James's warped pranks?" Lily yelled.

"Shut up Lily!" Monique hissed, afraid someone would hear. "I need to tell someone so I don't look have to act like a boy all the time!"

"Get lost! I'm not an idiot," Lily snapped.

"If I weren't Monique how would I know that you have a big black book full of ways to torture James?" Monique said.

"Only Monique knows about that. I'm going to kill her! She's obviously told you!" Lily said.

"No she hasn't! Only Monique would know that you were once asked in a game of truth or dare about how you really felt about James Potter and you said you've hated him ever since you set eyes on him. Then you told me, Monique, that you actually thought he was quite cute before he started fancying you," Monique looked pleased with herself as Lily was speechless. "Well this doesn't happen very often does it Lily?"

"What? How? _Why?_" Lily spluttered.

"Come with me and I'll explain everything!" Monique grinned. She grabbed Lily by the arm and ran out of the common room. She dragged her all the way outside and sat her down on the grass.

"Well?" Lily grinned.

"You know how James Potter was being a sexist git and saying I couldn't be on the Quidditch team?" Monique said.

"Yeah," Lily said.

"Well I thought right, I'll prove them wrong! So I went to Dumbledore and got it all sorted. I drink a potion every night making me look like a boy. And I'm on the team! I'm on the team! Nananananaaaaa!" Monique proceeded to dance around shaking her man-bum and singing like a girl.

"Monique! I mean Malcolm or whatever! Stop it!" Lily yelled. "You look like a girl."

"Good point," Monique grinned. She sat next to Lily. "God, I've been having to act like a guy for so long. You know Kiera fancies me!"

"Ohmigod! Really? What did you tell her?" Lily giggled.

"That I was gay," Monique groaned. Lily laughed, clutching her stomach. "Bugger off Lily!" Lily gasped in between laughs.

"Sorry!" she giggled.

"Yeah well I reckon you and James are meant to be," Monique said. Lily stopped laughing immediately.

"What?" she snapped.

"He only acts arrogant when you're around. He's quite friendly when you're out of sight," Monique said. Lily was silent for a moment.

"So?" Lily said, folding her arms across her chest.

"So give him a chance. I bet if you went in disguise as a guy and hung out with him you'd start fancying him," Monique said.

"Whatever?" Lily sighed.

"You're so stubborn," Monique said.

"Yeah, about as stubborn as you are," Lily grinned. Monique grinned too, glad to have her friend back. Monique sat next to Lily.

"I should be so lucky! Lucky! Lucky! Lucky!" Monique sang. Lily smiled to herself and then there was a silence. It wasn't an awkward one. Monique and Lily would often sit together in silence for hours. Because their friendship was so strong it didn't need words.


	8. Those pesky bludgers

Disclaimer: Come on! Do you really think JK could write as well as this? Joking! Of course she can! Anyway, I'm not JK so obviously I don't own HP. I did make up the character Monique/Malcolm and I do like her. She's like the inner me who likes to throw things at people! lol  
A/N: The match is drawing closer! I want to thank all my faithful readers and my reviewers! You keep my going and remind me to put some time aside to write my chappies. Unfortunately I won't be able to update as often now that I'm back at school. I have to face evil maths teachers and pretend I like them! Grrr! Anyway please please please review because my reviews do mean a lot to me. Thank you and on the with the fic!

Quidditch practices were going well. The whole team reckoned they'd win their first match against Ravenclaw, even if they had a new and fabulous beater.

"He's not a patch on you Malcolm," James grinned. Monique was, however, still worried. If she didn't win the upcoming game she couldn't reveal herself. _Shit, I never thought of that!_ What if she didn't win? What would that prove? _That boys play better than girls, damn it!_ And changing always ended up being a problem. Monique would always run to the boys' bathroom and quickly change then run up to the dorm so no one would notice. Of course they did notice eventually.

"Malcolm, why don't you stay down here and change?" Sirius asked, pulling off his Quidditch shirt. _Oh god no! Put it back on! I think I've just been mentally scarred for life._

"Um…" Monique never saw this coming. _Why is he so curious anyway? Does he want to see me naked? He'd get a shock if he did, I have a fanny for God's sake._

"Yeah, this is when we discuss important world issues," Felix, a chaser grinned.

"What? Like how to get Lily with James? Or to hear how you got laid last week?" Sirius laughed. _God, he laughs like a bloody dog! What is his problem?_ _It's like all I ever hear is yap yap yap! He sounds like a Chihuahua!_

"Shut up guys, he might have issues _down there_," James said. _Thanks Potter but unlike you I'm quite happy with my reproductive organs. _

"Actually I have a fear of letting people see my nakedness and seeing other people's nakedness," Monique said.

"Really? What's it called?" Sirius asked. He'd finally pulled on a clean shirt so Monique could look at him. _Why the hell do you want to know anyway! It's not like your life goal is to become a shrink. It's to bed as many women as is possible for one male. While other people will die of old age, I bet Sirius will die of too much sex._

"Erm, nakedaphobia," Monique lied smoothly.

"Ah, interesting," Sirius grinned. _What's so funny about it? Don't diss my phobia!_

"So I'm going to go and get changed in private. See ya," Monique said. _That was a close call… and an insight of things Sirius wants to know._

Monique got changed then met Lily at the library. She was sat near the back with a large, dusty brown book in front of her. Monique recognized it as the book containing the chapter they had to summarise for History of Magic.

"How was practice?" Lily asked, absent mindedly as she skimmed through the chapter. _That girl has superhuman powers. How does she read to fast?_

"Ok I suppose," Monique replied, sitting down across from her best friend. "Lils, what if I don't actually win?"

"You will win," Lily said, not looking up from the page.

"What if I don't? Then I'll just be proving girls don't play as well as boys and then James will repeat the story before I throw something at his head and kill him," Monique said. Lily chuckled.

"Well if you don't win don't reveal yourself. Then train twice as hard and make yourself win the next time," Lily said. "I seriously doubt you'll be the reason for losing every game Gryffindor plays this year. Don't worry about it."

"Ok," Monique said. The match was that weekend. She needed to win. Monique got out her Transfiguration homework and started on that. But the thought of losing stuck in the back of her mind.

It seemed everyone was tensing up about Quidditch. No one could say who'd win for sure. Both teams were equally good. James tried to keep the team upbeat and confident but only succeeded in keeping Sirius arrogantly sure he would win (which wasn't really an achievement). On the morning of the match Monique didn't even bother putting food onto her plate.

"Eat something Mal," Kiera smiled. Monique grunted (in a very manly way) and shook her head, her dark hair ruffling. Kiera smiled in a dreamy way at her then looked down into her cornflakes, pink in the face. _Great she still fancies me. A gay guy. _Monique just stared out of the window trying to keep her mind of her churning stomach. _This is worse than my period pains._ Monique began nibbling at the skin around her thumb. The anticipation was killing her.

"Stop it, you'll end up eating your thumb off," Kiera said, pulling Monique's thumb away from her mouth. _Who do you think you are? My mother?_ Monique just smiled.

"Come on Malcolm, got to get ready," James slapped him on the back. Monique got up and followed the rest of the team to the Gryffindor changing rooms. Monique slipped into the toilets to change. She hurried to the changing room for James's pep talk. She paid little attention to it, listening to the crowds outside already cheering. _I think I've made a big mistake. _She gripped her broom tightly as she walked out onto the pitch. She reeled from the cheering. It seemed much louder on the ground than it did in the stands. She seemed to be sensing everything in a much different way. Sounds were louder; she could see things sharply and could smell everything from the polish on her broomstick to the grass. She inhaled deeply and kicked off at the first sound of the whistle. She had her beaters bat in hand and could feel the wind in her hair. Sirius zoomed past, grinning. _And there goes the grinning chimpanzee,_ she thought. That brought a smile to her face and put her at more ease. _Thank god for my sarcasm!_ Chasing after bludgers with her bat occupied her mind and she was paying no attention to the score. She suddenly heard loud cheers from the Ravenclaw side. Her head jerked towards the goal. _Damn it, they've scored._ The next thing happened in such a rush. She felt something graze her ear.

"Malcolm!" someone yelled. Then she saw Felix falling to the ground with droplets of blood on his forehead.

"And Ravenclaw seeker, Matthew Anders, catches the snitch. The game ends leaving Gryffindor's score at 260 but Ravenclaw's score at…" Monique couldn't hear what the commentator said because he was drowned out by a loud moan from the stands. Monique couldn't hear a thing anymore. She was staring at Felix who was lead on the ground being seen to by Madam Pomphrey.

A/N Mwahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa! You don't know if they won or not! Tee hee hee! I'm so evil! lol Review! Review this fic! Thnx!


	9. Chipped skulls and Stalkers

Disclaimer: DN't own HP  
A/N: Here's the next chappie! It's not that long but please forgive me as I've been swamped with homework and stuff! Argh! This includes the imposible kind! I hate pi! So here is is. Don't forget to review. It's those reviews that keep me writing this! Thanks! xxx luv yaz all!

* * *

Monique swooped down and left her broomstick on the grass. She ran up to Felix.

"Ohmigod! Are you alright?" she asked. Felix grunted.

"Take it easy Felix," Madam Pomphrey said, getting a floating stretcher.

"I'm so sorry Felix! I'm so sorry!" Monique said. Worry was etched on her face. She was close to crying. But of course she didn't. That certainly wouldn't have been manly. But she was upset all the same.

"I'm really sorry Felix!" she yelled at him as Madam Pomphrey stretchered (I know I made this word up so don't diss it!) him away. He mumbled something back but Monique couldn't tell what he was saying.

"What were you thinking?" Monique turned round to face an angry (and very scary) James.

"I… well… um….. I'm sorry," Monique stuttered.

"Are you blind? That bludger was going straight at Felix who was right next to you? Didn't you hear it coming? Didn't you hear everyone yelling at you that there was a bludger coming! For God's sake Malcolm! You're a beater! I'm going to have to seriously consider whether you're staying on my team!" James yelled. He stormed off inside. Sirius gave Monique a sorry look.

"He takes Quidditch very seriously," he muttered. Then, after an encouraging smile Sirius left also. The crowds were dispersing and Monique felt alone on the Quidditch pitch. How could everything have gone so wrong on her first game? It was supposed to be momentous. For her to prove that girls were just as good, if not better, Quidditch players than boys. And she'd ruined the whole game. Monique ran. She ran to the empty grounds, the field on the edge of the forbidden forest. Once there she screamed. She screamed and shouted all the curses she'd ever heard. Birds flew from nearby trees to escape the noise being emitted from her mouth. Then Monique sat on the ground. After checking no one was around she began to cry. Now Monique wasn't the one for sobbing and shrieking. Well she did shriek. She just sat silently and let tears stream down her face. And it began to rain. Just like Monique's crying it was slow and light at first, just a few drops. But it was as if the floodgates had opened and rain mingled with tears on her face. She was soaked through. Monique was miserable.

"Monique!" Lily yelled. Monique looked up to see her best friend on the other side of the field. Lily ran up to her.

"I thought you'd gone in, no one else is out here. I've been looking everywhere. I was so worried," Lily said.

"I've failed," Monique sniffed.

"What?" Lily said.

"I've proved what I set out to un-prove," Monique said.

"What are you on about?" Lily asked.

"I was supposed to prove that girls could play Quidditch and win. I've just proved that they're a liability," Monique said.

"Monique, you can't win every time. It's impossible. Do you remember James in his third year? He lost that last game against Slytherin," Lily said.

"But he's never lost since," Monique said.

"Exactly. He's learnt from that mistake and made himself better. You just have to train harder than ever before and I bet that by the next game you'll be the best beater Hogwarts has ever seen," Lily said.

"Really?" Monique asked.

"Yes!" Lily laughed. She pulled her friend into a hug. "You are a great Quidditch player but I know you could be even better."

"Thanks Lils," Monique said. "I'll get changed then I want to visit Felix. I just hope the damage isn't too bad."

"I'm sure it's nothing Madam Pomphrey can't fix," Lily said brightly. "I'll meet you outside the common room."

"See you then," Monique grinned. Monique ran up to castle. _Lils can always make me smile. _

The Hospital Wing was almost empty. Felix was sat on a crisp white bed in the fart left corner. The curtains around his bed were drawn. Madam Pomphrey seemed quite busy dealing with a handful of first years who'd been cursed so their face would erupt in boils. There was the odd student wanting something for their colds so Lily and Monique just slipped in without being noticed. Monique approached Felix's bed cautiously.

"Erm, Felix?" she said.

"It's alright, you can open the curtains," Felix said. Lily pulled the curtains back.

"How are you?" Monique asked.

"I'm fine really, Madam Pomphrey said my skull was a bit broken or something or chipped or something like that but she fixed it right away. I'm just staying the night for some rest," Felix said.

"Why are you talking about your skull as if it's a piece of china?" Lily asked. Felix laughed.

"Well I was slightly woozy, I wasn't paying much attention to be honest," he grinned.

"Sorry," Lily said.

"Well as long as you're alright. I am really sorry Felix," Monique said.

"It's fine Malcolm. I don't blame you. I can't expect you to save from every bludger coming my way. I should've seen it myself really! I'm not sure James sees it that way though. I'll make sure he doesn't kick you off the team. Don't worry Mal," Felix grinned.

"Thank you!" Monique grinned.

"How did you get in here?" Madam Pomphrey asked. She looked flustered and was bright red in the face. "He wasn't supposed to have any more visitors today! He's already had the whole of the Gryffindor Quidditch team visit him!" She shooed Monique and Lily out of the Hospital Wing.

"You can see him tomorrow morning if you feel the urgent need to," she said. Madam Pomphrey closed the door and Lily burst out laughing.

"What?" Monique asked.

"Nothing!" Lily giggled.

"Oh, you've just got one of those giggling fits," Monique sighed. "Come on." Monique dragged Lily along the corridors, whilst she still giggled over nothing.

Meanwhile someone was watching them. Kind of stalking them. Because this person (if you could call him that) as sad as he was had nothing better to do than stalk someone because they were more popular than him, got on with his friends and he was threatened. Because this person is an absolute toe-rag, scum-bag!#!#!


	10. Omg a fight!

Disclaimer: I dont' own hp  
A/N: So sorry this took so long. I've been getting loads of homework. I do try and make all my chapters at least 1000 words long so that's why they take so long as I usually spend two sessions doing each half. And these are barely ever close to each other. Blame homework basically. I hope you like it. Thankyou for everyone who reviews I love you guys! Its always nice to get a review from someone who likes your story. So enjoy and please review! )

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Monique sat Lily down onto an armchair the moment we got into the Common Room. 

"What are you laughing about?" Monique demanded.

"I –gasp- was just thinking –gasp- that what if –gasp- people thought –gasp- we were –gasp- you know!" Lily collapsed into giggles once more.

"What? Tell me or I'm going to slap you!" Monique hissed. Lily continued to giggle. "You'd better tell me or I'll start throwing vases at the first years again." Lily stopped giggling.

"Fine," she said.

"Honestly Lils, you care about those first years too much," Monique said.

"I was thinking that what if," Lily held back laughter once more and Monique reached for the nearest vase. Lily grabbed her hand. "No stop it. I was thinking what if people thought we were, going out!" Lily began laughing once more.

"Is that it?" Monique asked. Lily nodded, her face bright red and unable to speak.

"You have a warped sense of humour," Monique smiled and sat down next to her friend. Lily had never been someone to be normal, or to be someone who made sense.

"Malcolm!" Monique's head snapped up. Kiera was waving at her. She came over.

"Hi," Monique smiled.

"Heya! We haven't spoken for ages! I just want to thank you about Sirius. We're great together and it's all thanks to you!" Kiera hugged Monique.

"Erm, your welcome," Monique forced a smile. She felt a surge of great jealousy towards the bubbling blonde. _Argh! I hate her! What a goody two shoes. Who the hell does she think she is? Miss World or something. God she's so fake and her shoes are soooo last season. Stupid cow, I hate her._

"I hope it's ok though," Kiera said.

"Yes, it's fine. I told you it's not a problem!" Monique fake-smiled again.

"Well I'm meeting him in the Astronomy tower soon so I've got to get ready!" Kiera grinned. Then she ran off to the girls' dorm. _Slap on a shed-load of make-up to make your ugly face look faker than your personality you mean!_

"You so hate her," Lily said.

"I don't," Monique denied.

"You do!" Lily said.

"Don't"

"Do"

"Don't,"

"Do, do, do, do, do! Do times infinity!" Lily yelled.

"Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't! Don't times infinity add one!" Monique yelled.

"Whatever," Lily sighed. "But why do you hate her?" Lily pondered on this for a moment.

"Ohmigod!" she screamed and jumped from her seat, causing everyone in the common room to look at her strangely.

"What?" Monique asked in a bored voice.

"You fancy Sirius!" Lily hissed, grinning.

"I do not! I wish everyone would stop saying that!" Monique snapped.

"You know how you 'lied' to Kiera and told her you were gay?" Lily asked.

"Yes," Monique sighed.

"Well because you fancy Sirius that wouldn't be lying would it?" Lily said.

"Well actually little miss smarty pants it would. Because I don't have … boys bits it would be a totally straight thing to do," Monique said. "Not that I do, I mean that I am. I mean…" Lily just laughed.

"Shut up Lily Evans!" Monique snapped, although she was smiling. Then, suddenly, James charged into the room.

"SO IT WAS TRUE!" he yelled. He lunged at Monique, knocking her (or him, however you want to think of it) straight to the ground.

"Potter, what the hell are you doing?" Lily yelled. James had already punched Monique straight in the face. She punched him back and soon they were brawling on the floor.

"Immobulus!" Lily yelled. Monique and James were in a standstill. Lily muttered the counter curse for Monique.

"What the hell was that for?" Monique yelled. _That stupid, immature prat! And to think I thought he was a decent guy! What a weirdo. If he thinks he can go round attacking people… I know what I'd like to do to him. I'll twist his balls so far around he'll never be able to walk properly again!_

"I'll say the counter curse for you if you don't attack Malcolm," Lily said. James was unable to answer but Lily muttered the counter curse anyway.

"You know what Cornwall I thought you were alright. I was coming to find you to tell you that you're still on the team. That we all forgive you for messing up our game. But then I find out this! I thought we were mates you know!" James yelled.

"What the hell are you on about?" Monique yelled.

"I can't believe you're just going to stand there and pretend that you don't know what you've done wrong! It's obvious. How close you are with her!" James yelled.

"What are you talking about?" Monique asked.

"You and Lily! You're always together! I know you're going out with her behind my back! You knew I liked her!" James spat.

"Me and Lily? There is no me and Lily!" Monique yelled.

"Don't lie to me again!" James yelled.

"Potter! Malcolm and I are not an item you idiot. Who the hell told you that. Only an idiot would hear some stupid rumour and then come and beat someone up for a reason that may not be true!" Lily screamed.

"I don't−" James started.

"What? You don't believe me? Well that's not a first since you never believe me every time I say I will never go out with you! Just because you like me doesn't mean I can't go out with anyone else. You're so arrogant and possessive Potter. That's why I will never go out with you!" Lily yelled.

"Well that's nice to know," James said. He walked out of the common room. There was silence. Lily sighed and flopped down into an armchair.

"What the hell are you all looking at!" Monique screeched. "Go on piss off!" Monique picked up a vase and glared at the onlookers threateningly. They dispersed and Monique threw the vase at the wall before throwing herself onto the armchair next to Lily's.

"Great, this whole thing has been a disaster," she said.

"No it hasn't. And its not over yet Malcolm, I won't let you just give up because of stupid James Potter," Lily said. "No you are going to get on that team."

"How?" Monique asked.

"I don't know!" Lily said. Monique rolled her eyes and scowled. She hated James Potter soooo much she would gladly twist his balls round so much they'd go green and fall off.


	11. Apologies

Disclaimer: I dn't own HP  
A/N: Hi again. I know this chapter is only about half as long as my usual ones (only about 500 words) but I really wanted to get it up. So here it is. Once again I am soooooo thankful to all my reviewers! You keep this fic going! luv yaz all! -x-

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Monique lay on her bed. She was staring at a small stain on the ceiling. It was in the early hours of the morning. James hadn't said a single word to her. No one in her dorm had. Peter especially had been giving her evils ever since. Monique rolled over. She was upset, angry and annoyed. She needed to get on that team again. But she knew it was near impossible once James had made up his mind. So she pulled the covers over her head and attempted to get some sleep.

"Lily, don't you think you were slightly harsh yesterday?" Monique said.

"No," Lily snapped, stubbornly. "James Potter deserves everything he gets." Lily was stirring lukewarm porridge round and round in the bowl at breakfast.

"But Lily−" Monique started.

"Just drop it Malcolm!" Lily snapped.

"You're the one who's supposed to have a plan! You're the one who said I can't give up!" Monique hissed.

"I know but what has this got to do with anything," Lily asked.

"I've been hanging out with James a lot and he doesn't like his pride being hurt. He's loyal and a good friend. Maybe if you went to him and apologized and suggested letting me back on the team he'd let me," Monique said. Lily sighed.

"Well that's saying goodbye to my dignity," she said.

"You mean you'll do it?" Monique grinned.

"Whatever. But only because you're my best friend," Lily said.

"That's cool," Monique said. Lily just smiled and got up. She left the Great Hall. _I hope she's apoligisng and not making things worse. She has a way of doing that. God, if only she'd see how alike she and James were. They're both so stubborn._

James was scowling as he read the chapter to be summarized for his History of Magic homework. Only he wasn't actually absorbing any of the information. He was too annoyed. He'd embarrassed himself infront of the entire house and Lily had seriously dented his pride. She'd never gotten that angry at him before. Annoyed? Yes. Slightly peed off? Sure. But ballistic? No.

"James," James's head snapped off. He'd know that voice above a chorus of others.

"What?" he said, trying not to sound too excited. This was the girl who'd yelled at him just one night before.

"I just want to apologise for last night. I think I overreacted. But so did you. And it's not Malcolm's fault at all. It was just a misunderstanding," Lily said. James began to weaken. "So anyway, I'm sorry."

"Erm, me too," James said.

"Could you let Malcolm back on the team. He's a great beater," Lily said.

"Well I would but I've already gotten a new beater," james said.

"In a day?" Lily asked.

"Well a lot of people want to be on the team Lily," James said. Lily sighed and bit her lip.

"Whatever," she said, walking away. James grinned to himself and slumped down in his chair.

"This is the best day of my life," he breathed, running a hand through his disheveled hair.

"Whatever you say Prongs," Sirius laughed.


	12. My Head Hurts

Monique waited agitatedly in the library. She was waiting for Lily to return from her apology to James.

"Hi, Malcolm," Kiera seemed to appear from nowhere. Monique smiled.

"Hi," she said. Kiera sat down opposite Monique.

"How are things with Sirius?" Monique asked, proving to herself and Kiera that she had no feelings whatsoever for Sirius.

"They're good," Kiera smiled.

"Good," Monique said. There was an awkward silence.

"I heard you got kicked off the team," Kiera said.

"Yeah," Monique said. _Great conversation starter Kiera. I can tell you're the best conversationalist in the whole wide world!_ Monique thought sarcastically.

"Well I could get Sirius to help you train if you want?" Kiera said. _I do not need Sirius's help! I'm a way better Beater than he'll ever be. He spends too much time winking at his fan-girls and not enough time actually hitting bludgers. _But Kiera look so sincere I accepted her offer without thinking.

"I'll get him to meet you on the pitch tonight at about eight. Is that alright?" Kiera asked.

"Are you sure he wouldn't mind?" Monique asked.

"I'm totally sure. We'll both be there at eight," Kiera smiled and left. She passed Lily on her way out.

"Ooh I didn't know Kiera was busy chatting you up again," Lily laughed.

"Shut up," I muttered darkly.

"She's got it bad for you," Lily said. "I think she's trying you make you jealous by going out with Sirius. Which would be mean if it weren't Sirius. But since it is, I don't mind."

"You're so evil," Monique smiled.

"I know!" Lily grinned. "What did the little hooch want anyway?"

"She offered for Sirius to help me train to get back on the team," Monique replied.

"You don't need that toe-rag's help!" Lily said.

"I know but if the captain's best mate thinks I'm good there's more chance of me getting on the team," Monique said.

"True," Lily shrugged.

"What did James say anyway?" Monique questioned.

"He's already got a replacement," Lily sighed. "So you'll be kicking a third year off the team. I already did some searching, his name's Julian Prom. I'm sure that'll be a blow to your conscience."

"Not at all, he can have his chance when I've left the school. He's young, he has more time to enjoy Quidditch at Hogwarts," Monique said airily.

"Oh, sure. So you're not crushing his dreams then?" Lily giggled.

"No way, he has to mature first. We're all cheeses Lils. I'm mature cheddar and he, well, he's still milk," Monique said. Lily burst out laughing. The two got themselves thrown out of the library. Not that they cared. They stumbled down the corridor, giggling. Well Monique was laughing heartily as no man giggled. Lily was giggling. But it was like when they were both girls again. They earned many strange looks as they clattered, as if drunk, down corridors up to the Gryffindor Common room, where they collapsed.

"Mature cheddar," Lily gasped and sent them both into another fit of the giggles.

Monique was waiting with her broom on the Quidditch pitch at five minutes to eight. She sat, cross-legged on the ground, staring at the sky. It was scattered with stars. No clouds. The moon was a curved slither of light. And looking up to the castle doors she could see Sirius and Kiera approaching. He seemed to be arguing with her. Monique rolled her eyes; she should've known Kiera would have to force him to come. This was pointless. She got up to leave in the opposite direction.

"Hey! Malcolm!" Kiera yelled. Monique sighed and stopped.

"We're here, why were you leaving?" Kiera asked.

"Because, it's kind of obvious someone's not willing to help," Monique said.

"Well I don't think James would be very happy," Sirius said.

"Since when did you always listen to your friends?" Monique asked.

"Since always," Sirius said. Monique was about to remind him of the time when he was in a big argument with James about something or other then remember she wasn't actually supposed to know.

"If you don't want to I'm not bothered. James wouldn't let me back on the team anyway," Monique sighed.

"So you're just giving up?" Sirius asked.

"What's the point? All this it's too much hassle," Monique said. _I'd have better chances of getting on the team if I were a girl again._

"Malcolm, I know you're a good beater. How about if I talk to James, make him see sense?" Sirius said. I felt a fluttering sensation in my stomach. He seemed so sincere. His eyes large and so … grey. Then Monique came to her own senses. _Ew, I was not just thinking about Sirius Black in that way? But he's so cute! Ohmigod I was! No! My life is so over!_

"Erm, I've got to go. Now!" Monique said. She ran to the common room, then realized he'd easily find her there. So she ran straight back out and into the library. She knew he'd never look for her in there. Kiera might though. She could always fob her off with 'guy problems'. Meanwhile she needed to sort out the 'Black problem'. She couldn't fancy him. Or it'd be obvious to everyone she did. Then she'd never get on the team because James wouldn't let someone who appeared to be gay be on his team. _There's only one thing for it, I'll have to… snog Sirius? NO! I have to get on the team. That's the whole point of you acting like a boy, losing your hair and feeling like a total prat 24/7. You are Monique Illyria! You do not let a boy get in the way of anything. Especially not a boy like Sirius Black. So that's it. You'll use him to get you on the team. Then reveal that you're a girl. Then snog him! No! No, then you will stay on the team. Kiera will carry on going out with Sirius until he dumps her when he finally comes to his senses and realizes he's in love with me! No! My brain hurts…_


	13. I'm not a lesbiaaaaaan!

Disclaimer: Dn't own HP

A/N: I have some serious apologies to be making to all the readers!!!!! First of all I'm soooo sorry this is so short but as I'm on my hols I will be writing up a longer chappie soon (like 2moz). And that will hopefully be up pretty soon. I'm soo sorry it took so long for this chapter to be up but I haven't had the internet for a while since the other computer crashed and I basically lost all of the work on it. And that mixed with a little writers block really didn't help. So now that the computer is freshly up and running with a new internet etc etc... I can post this short but (hipefull) sweet chappie just to keep you going and for a taster of what is to come. Thanks sooo much to all my readers and please please please forgive meeeee!!!!! -x-

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Monique had desperately been trying to avoid Sirius over the past few days. _If I can just wean myself of him then maybe I won't fancy him anymore. Not that I ever did fancy him. Yep I will go totally cold turkey on Sirius Black until my brain re-arranges itself back into its usual position and I will get over these weird thoughts of fancying him._

"Malcolm," Kiera said. Monique had to resist rolling her eyes. Kiera was really starting to bug her.

"Yeah," Monique forced herself to smile.

"I was wondering if you could help me with my Transfiguration technique. Professor McGonagall said it was alright to use an empty classroom. I really need help on it," Kiera simpered. Monique's eye could've started twitching with its want to roll.

"Sure, lead the way," Monique smiled. Monique followed Kiera down a series of corridors and into an empty classroom, out of the way. Kiera smiled and took Monique's hand. _Ok, this is getting uncomfortable._ Kiera was smiling at Monique. _Oh dear._ Kiera sauntered over and backed Monique up against the wall.

"I know you're not gay," she whispered. _Ohmigod!!!! She is waaaaaay too close right now_.

"Actually I am, I'm very gay. Very attracted to guys. All guys! I'm gaaaaay!!!" Monique said panicking.

"Don't worry, I won't tell Sirius," Kiera said. In moments their lips were touching. _Noooooo! I'm not gaaaaay you idiot! I don't kiss girls! I'm not a lesbiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!!_ Monique shoved Kiera off her. Kiera fell to the floor.

"Ewwwww!!!!" Monique spat onto the ground. "That was so wrong!"

"Too right mate," Sirius was stood in the doorway. He looked furious.

"Sirius!" Kiera said. "It… it…. Sirius…."

"This isn't what it looks like. I don't like Kiera. I don't even like girls in that way," Monique said.

"Sure you don't mate. That's why you were slobbering over my girlfriend," Sirius said.

"No, she came onto me," Monique said.

"That's what they all say," Sirius said. And he left angrily.

"Sirius!" Kiera whimpered and ran out after him. _Biatch._


	14. Trannyfied!

Disclaimer: I dn't own HP

A/N: Well here's the next chapter!! I'm already about halfway through the next one. Stupid me thought I'd already uploaded this chappie!!!! How dumb was that? Then I read the last chappie on here and I was like, what! Where's the other chappie! lol Hpe you enjoy and don't forget to review!! xx

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Monique paced the room. _Shit, shit and double shit._ _Well that's goodbye Quidditch team. And I actually thought this would be easy. Change into a guy for a bit... prove James Potter, Sirius Black and the rest of those ignorant jackasses wrong… strike a chord for feminism… blah blah blah… change back into a girl and whooo hooo! I'm on the Quidditch team for good and I kick ass. Yeah, nice dreaming Monique._ _Well damn this. Damn Kiera. I give up._

"ARGH!" she screamed and grabbed the chalk pot from beside the blackboard and threw it at the wall.

"You can't give up," Monique jumped and turned to see Dumbledore stood in the room. _Shit that dude is scary. God he must think I'm psychotic. And how can he tell what I'm thinking??? Oh yeah, occlumency, never did get that._

"Well everything's ruined," Monique said.

"I never thought you'd be a quitter," Dumbledore said.

"Yeah, that doesn't work on me. I don't care what anyone else thinks," Monique said.

"Well, if that is the case why do you want to quit?" Dumbledore asked, a smile playing on his face.

"Well I… um... it's… Fine," Monique said. "I won't quit."

"Good," Dumbledore said. He was smiling. _God he's annoying._ His smile widened. _Ew, he's listening in again._

"In life there are misunderstandings and mishaps. We just have to learn to live with them," Dumbledore said. _Yeah, try telling Sirius that._ When I looked up he'd gone. _Weird dude._

Monique was awake in the middle of the night. Or was it morning already? She didn't know. Thoughts were running through her mind like racing cars. _I'm sooooo sick of feeling like this. Like feeling like the baddie. Like the evil stepmother. Only less evil. And innocent. The big game's tomorrow. I need sleep! I need sleeeeeeeeep! Just one more day Monique. One more day then you can take off these baggy clothes, stop having to shave your face and I'll have my lovely long hair again. Hopefully. I just have to win this time. And nothing. Not even Kiera doing a strip tease is going to distract me. I want to be a girl! I don't like being a guy! It's horrible. I don't remember things being this complicated when I was a girl. Maybe it's because I'm a girl pretending to be a guy. I wonder if other guys actually feel this complicated. I thought it was girls who over-analysed things. Wait! I am a girl! Ohmigod! I've forgotten I'm a girl! I really need to change back. And soon. And I need to get to sleep. Or I'll fall asleep on my broom and have to be a guy for another, like, month. God help us all!_

"Malcolm get up," Remus was shaking her. "Get up! The game's today." Monique groaned and sat up.

"Oh crap it is isn't it?" she said.

"I don't think you could do much worse than last time," Remus said. "So I wouldn't worry."

"Thanks Remus, that really helped," Monique said, sarcasm dripping from her tongue.

"You're very welcome," Remus grinned. "See you at the stands." Monique got up, dressed and ran down to the Great Hall where she ate a piece of toast agitatedly.

"You'll be fine. Trust me, I've seen you practising and you're great. You're always great. Last time you just got distracted. Just focus and you'll win. Then you can be a girl and people will stop thinking we're going out," Lily said. She smiled. "And you should know, Kiera is spreading it around that you're dating."

"What?!" Monique snapped. _Of all the days to choose. I do not need this right now!_

"Just don't worry about it. I'm hushing it up and as if anyone would believe that tramp. You just concentrate on Quidditch. The only thing that matters is that we know the truth. And Sirius isn't taking her back so just go out there and pelt bludgers. Vent your anger," Lily said.

"Right, vent my anger," Monique repeated.

"I'll see you on the grounds," Lily said. "Good luck."

"Thanks, Lil," Monique said. She breathed. _Vent anger. In. out. Breathe in. breathe out. Simple. Vent anger. The bludger is Keira's head. Yeah. That'll work. Just breathe._

Monique felt as if her heart was going to beat right out of her chest as she walked onto the pitch. The whole team was giving her the silent treatment but she couldn't care less. The only thing on her mind was the feeling of wearing a skirt again. And make up. And girly nights in with Lily. And being able to like Sirius without feeling gay and weird. Although she wasn't sure the weird feeling would og away. Not that she liked Sirius in that way. She had to start admitting that she did. _But I don't!!!!!!!!_

Once she was up in the air it didn't matter that the team wasn't speaking to her. She kept Lily's advice in mind. _That bludger is Kiera's head! There's to your plastic surgery nose!!!! Whoops! There goes one of your eyeballs._ She was pelting bludgers left, right and center. The crowd was cheering and balls were flying everywhere. But Monique was focussed. She had to stop being a guy!

James called a time out. He nodded at Monique to let her know she was doing well. She was aggravated by the fact he refused to talk to her.

"Ok team, we're all doing well. We just need to get the snitch soon and the game's in the bag," James said. _Ok, time to get into girly mode with a girl insult._ Monique strode up to the seeker, Paul Robins.

"If you don't find that snitch soon I swear to God I will rip your balls off and wear them as earrings," she spat. _Well, that certainly felt good._ He looked at her as if she'd gone mental and slowly walked away. She giggled to herself.

"Come on Mal!" James yelled. She saluted him and jumped onto her broom.

Monique was screaming so hard she was sure her voice box might just fly out of her mouth.

"GO ON PAUL! GO ON! GET THAT SNITCH!!!!" she screamed, waving her arms around like a maniac. The crowds erupted as Paul's fingertips grasped the tiny gold ball. His fingers closed around it and he lifted it triumphantly in the air. Monique let a wave of relief sweep over her. Then she began to feel strange. In just a few seconds Monique had grown back her long, lustrous dark hair. She squealed and clapped her hands. She zoomed down to the ground and began to do her signature victory dance.

"I'm a girl! Oh yeah! A-ha! I'm a girl! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Who's a girl? Meeeee!" she sang. The whole school watched, astounded at what had just happened. James zoomed down.

"Wait, you're a girl???" he said.


	15. Girly Bum Shaking

Disclaimer: I don't own HP  
A/N :Well here it is! I told you it'd be up really soon! YAY! I really enjoyed writing as the girly Monique at last but pease forgive me if it's rubbish because I'm not too used to writing as Monique the girl. So don't judge too harshly and please leave a review! Mwah!!!

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Monique paused from her girly bum shaking and turned round. She cleared her throat.

"Well, now that you ask…" she grinned. "YES! And I love being a girl again! Wooo hoooooooooo! I'm a gi-irl! I'm a gi-irl! And I kick ass at Quidditch! In your face!" Monique prodded James hard in the chest. "WHO'S A GIRL? MEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Lily then appeared and ran into her best friend.

"Finally! You're a girl! YAY! Girly nights! Girly nights!" Lily squealed. The two started to jump around squealing.

"WAIT!" Sirius yelled. The girls stopped.

"I knew it! I knew something wasn't right about you!!! You!!! You tranny!!!" Peter squeaked.

"Who said that?" Monique asked. Lily nudged her and nodded towards Peter.

"Where?!" Monique said.

"HIM! HIM! Monique you're such a retard!!!!" Lily yelled.

"Oh, the first year. Why are we listening to _him_?" Monique asked.

"I'M NOT A FIRST YEAR!!! I'M IN YOUR YEAR!!" Peter yelled.

"Yeah, nice try little dude. You barely look old enough to be a first year, let alone be in my year!" Monique scoffed.

"Monique, he's in our year. He's Peter Pettigrew, he follows Black and Potter around all the time," Lily said.

"Ohmigod! Really?! Ohmigod I totally don't recognise him! He seriously looks like a first year!" Monique hissed. Lily grinned.

"Well start recognising him!" Lily said.

"I'm Peter Pettigrew and I never trusted you! I never liked you for one second! I always knew there was something wrong with you!!" Peter squeaked.

"_I'm Monique Illyria!!! I never knew you existed!"_ Monique said mockingly.

"Monique shut up," Lily said.

"I don't get it," James said. "So you swapped genders for a while to be on the team? What?"

"Ew no! I was a girl the whole time. Just a butch girl! With manly muscles and short hair. And it was all to prove to you, you numbskull, that girls play Quidditch just as well as dudes! If not better. Because we all know that girls are the more intelligent, more powerful and overall the better gender. I just proved it! And you can't chuck me off the team because I haven't done anything wrong!" Monique sang.

"Yeah, except for that whole turning into a boy thing," James said.

"I prefer turning into a butch girl or a girl who looks like a boy. Technically I was a girl because I didn't have a d-," Monique was interrupted.

"I think this is quite enough!" Professor McGonagall said. "You will not throw Miss Illyria from the team. She is a credit to the game."

"But Professor! She's pretended to be a boy!" Sirius protested.

"She had permission and help from Professor Dumbledore," Professor McGonagall said, smiling slightly. "I've been waiting for a girl to get on the team. And this is just her. If you dare get rid of her I will make sure you all get detentions for the things you think you've gotten away with right when there are matches!" She seemed to be glaring at Sirius and James the most.

"Thank you Professor! I shall make you proud!" Monique grinned. "Who's yo mama?! Mmmmmhmmm!" she clicked her fingers in James's face and spun round. Lily giggled and the girls linked arms and skipped down to the common room to start the party.

"I'm sorry but what just happened?" James said. Remus looked worried.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"That means she knows. It wasn't Malcolm that saw me that night. It was her," Remus said. "She wouldn't tell would she?"

"Well she hasn't yet so I doubt she will. Don't worry about it Moony. Come on, let's go to the party," Sirius said.

When the boys arrived in the common room, music was blaring, there were butterbeers scattered around and even a bottle of fire whisky. But Lily and Monique were nowhere to be seen.

"She's probably doing her victory dance," Remus snorted.

"Yeah!" Sirius laughed. His fangirls recognising his signature laugh all came buzzing around him like bees to a honey-pot. They fluttered their eyelashes and clung to his arm like limpets. But as silence swept the room he looked up from them to see why. It was as if light was shining down from heaven. Her hair was long and loose. Wonderfully dark and lustrous. She was definitely playing up to her long, leggy, lean figure. She wore a long, wine red dress that clung to her waist and flared out. It showed off her long tanned legs.

"Yes, I am a girl! I can finally wear a skirt!" Monique grinned. The house laughed and the party carried on.

"So Sirius, I was wondering, yeah, whether we could, like, meet up later. Maybe in the broom closet. I know it's your favourite place! Hey Sirius! Sirius!" the blonde called after him as he made his way over to the stunning brunette across the room.

"Hey," he said casually.

"Black," Monique regarded him. "Still think girls are only good as cheerleaders when it comes to Quidditch. Or if they just want to watch you 'flex your muscles'?" Sirius laughed and casually put his hand on her shoulder.

"No way, you're one of the best players I've seen," he smiled. Any other girl would've gone weak at the knees.

"You mean _the_ best," Monique said. She picked up a couple of bottles of butterbeers and wandered over to Lily, handing her a bottle. The girls took swigs.

"I saw Black chatting you up there," Lily said. Monique spluttered and began to cough violently.

"As if!" she gasped.

"It was so obvious!" Lily said.

"No he wasn't! And I wouldn't be interested if he was!" Monique said.

"Whatever you say Monique, whatever you say," Lily said airily.

"Shut up," Monique snapped.

"It's nice to see the old you again. All stubborn and angry," Lily grinned and pulled a frowning Monique into a hug. "Come on, let's dance!" The girls made their way out onto the dance floor but it wasn't long before Sirius arrogantly stepped in. Monique rolled her eyes but carried on dancing.

"You're the first girl on the team," Sirius said.

"Oh really? I never noticed," Monique said sarcastically. Sirius chuckled.

"Now where's that friendly Malcolm I knew?" Sirius asked.

"It's called acting. Obviously you're never going to grow up to be Sherlock Holmes," Monique said.

"Who?" Sirius said.

"Never mind," Monique sighed. "It seems my wit is wasted on you."

"What wit?" Sirius joked.

"Shut up," Monique grinned, slapping Sirius's arm playfully. Sirius grinned at her. he quickly closed the small distance between them. Their lips were edging closer. But at the last minute Monique pushed him away, her hands on his chest.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked.

"I'm not an easy girl to get you know. If a guy wants me, he'll have to try hard to get me," Monique said. "It's one of my principles." She grinned and walked away. She began to dance with some other Gryffindor. Just to annoy Sirius. And it definitely worked. He was seething.


	16. My balls have been everywhere

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

A/N: Well here's the next chappie. I hope I didn't do too badly as Monique the girl. Still need to adjusting to do there. Thanks soooooo much for all your reviews! I have over 7000 reads! How amazing is that!? EEEEK! I just want to say a massive thankyou to everyone who reviews! I know a lot of you review almost every chappie! Love you mwah! Don't forget to review again this time! I don't think this chapter is as good as the others but I tried my best:'( -xx-

Message for The Green Bird: OMG Thanks sooo much for pointing that out! Don't worry though I have changed it! I'd just been shopping all day with my friends and I couldn't stop thinking of this gorgeous top I tried on in River Island but :'( it was too expensive! Ah the trials of teenage life eh! lol But I did mean dress to pull. I don't know where you from but in England to 'pull' is to pull a lad or get a lad. If you get me. So like last night if I went out with my friends on the pull we'd be looking for fit lads to chat up. Get me? Well I've changed it to a daring school uniform for you! Please forgive me! begs on floor xxx

* * *

It was late. Sirius was pacing the boy's dorm.

"Why doesn't she fancy me? _How_ can she _not_ fancy me? ME!" Sirius asked the room.

"Maybe she doesn't like you," Remus said from under his duvet.

"How could any girl not fall for the charms of Sirius Black?" Sirius questioned, ignoring Remus. "I have the looks, the status, the wit, the personality and even the money."

"Shut up," Remus said.

"It's like I'm seeing her for the first time you know. All different and… shiny," Sirius said.

"Sirius why does she look _shiny_ to you?" Remus asked, sitting up.

"You know all bright and shiny and sparkly," Sirius said.

"You mean her lip gloss don't you?" Remus said. "Or you've had too much of that firewhisky."

"No way, she's ... different," Sirius said.

"Well not that many girls decided to pose as boys just to get on a Quidditch team. Most would just knee someone in the balls. Although she did that as well," Remus said. Sirius laughed.

"Yeah she did. I'll never wash my balls again," he sighed.

"Erm, Sirius, are you being, er, serious?" Remus asked.

"No, well maybe, no! Course not, my balls have been everywhere," Sirius said.

"Tell me something I don't know," Remus said.

Meanwhile a slightly different conversation was going on in the girl's dorm.

"You're such a tease," Lily said, wiping off her make up in front of the mirror.

"So is he, it's about time he got a taste of his own medicine. He messes girls around too much. It annoys me so I'll take much pleasure in annoying him. And I'm going to dangle other guys before his eyes," Monique giggled.

"You're mad," Alice, another roommate, commented. "If Sirius Black was after me I'd do whatever he wanted me to."

"Well I'm not as passive as you Alice," Monique smiled. "And not half as much of a slut," she muttered darkly to Lily. Lily giggled.

"So, who've you set your sights on?" Lily asked.

"I'm not sure, whoever takes my fancy. Whoever comes up to me? I dunno really," Monique said. Monique had never had a proper boyfriend before. She'd never been serious about someone. That was why she was so unsure about her feelings. She snogged at parties. She even went on casual dates. She was no stranger to boys. She'd just never bothered with any boyfriends.

"I bet that dark haired boy from Ravenclaw asks you out. He was getting his eye candy when you turned back today," Lily said.

"Him, the one with the hair? Ew! No way Lils," Monique said. "I had my eye on the blonde one. He's in Gryffindor, in seventh year. Absolutely gorgeous."

"Nice choice!" Lily grinned.

"So what about James?" Monique asked. Lily rolled her eyes.

"What about him?" Lily sighed.

"He's not that bad Lils," Monique said.

"Not that bad?! Not that bad?! Are you forgetting he kicked you off the team!?" Lily yelled.

"No, but he let me back on didn't he? He's loyal, funny, smart. It's not his fault people worship him. He's only an arrogant prat when you're around. He's not used to you being around; he feels the need to try too hard to impress you. So hard it never works," Monique said. Lily sighed.

"The problem is that I keep hearing of this other James but I never see him," Lily said.

It was breakfast time. Monique was dressed to pull. Well, as far as the school uniform would allow. Her skirt had been daringly shortened, the first few buttons of her school shirt were left undone and her hair was blow dried and down. Her make up was immaculate.

"You seriously don't know how great it feels to wear a skirt and a tonne of make up on again! I felt practically naked without my make up on," Monique said. Lily laughed. Lily nudged Monique as the Marauders sauntered in. Almost every girls' head turned their way. Monique looked up through her mascara laden eyelashes at Sirius. He was seeking her out through the Gryffindor table. He looked away once he saw her.

"Hey there's Lily!" James grinned. He shoved his way through the crowds to where she sat with Monique.

"Hey Evans," James said casually. "Mal- I mean Monique."

"Hey James," Monique smiled.

"Potter," Lily grunted. James was slouched in his seat across from Lily. He was desperately trying to seem casually cool but he looked as if he'd broken his back. Remus and Peter followed so Sirius dragged his feet behind them.

"Hi Remus! Peter! Sirius," Monique smiled. But her smile faltered once she saw Sirius.

"Monique," Sirius muttered, as he sat down. He poured out some cornflakes and picked at them. Flicking them at James.

"It was a good game yesterday wasn't it?" Monique smiled at Sirius.

"Yeah, I guess so," Sirius said.

"I thought you were really good," Monique smiled and moved her leg so it brushed against his. Sirius finally clicked that she was flirting with him. He broke into a large grin.

"Yeah, well, I guess it was good when I slammed that bludger into Dixon's face," Sirius bragged, it was as if his ego was inflating even larger. Monique could practically visualise it expanding and taking up the whole room. Pushing everyone out or pressing them against the walls.

"Very impressive, I like that in a man," Monique said, fluttering her eyelashes at him. She knew how his fangirls acted. And how Sirius reacted to them. A bit of flattery went a long way with Sirius Black. As did some cleavage, skin and acting as if you were having eyelid spasms. Lily was holding back laughter. Remus, Peter and James were staring in shock.

"How about we meet up later?" Sirius suggested. He was grinning arrogantly and taking up a lot of space on the bench as he was slouched over. He was sure that his charm had finally worked on Monique. How could any girl last long in his presence and not fancy him?

"Where?" Monique asked. She kept the fangirl ready-to-giggle smile plastered on her face.

"Well I was thinking-" Sirius started.

"Hey Monique, long time no see, huh?" Alex, the blonde boy from the year above grinned down at her. Monique smiled.

"Or we did see each other but you just didn't recognise me," Monique laughed. "Wait, you're good at Potions right?" Alex nodded. "Oh thank god! I really need some help on this essay!"

"I could help­" Sirius was cut off once again.

"And I heard you were a total genius when it comes to Potions, so I was wondering if you'd help me with it? I have a free period now if you have the time?" Monique cocked her head to one side and smiled sweetly. She was blatantly ignoring a furious Sirius.

"Sure," Alex grinned. Monique leaned in so she was close to Sirius's face, "Sorry honey, maybe another time." She winked and got up. Alex's arm was almost immediately around her waist as they left the Great Hall together. It was common knowledge that Alex had just broken up with his long term girlfriend and was on a series of rebounds. No one would get hurt, except maybe Sirius but it was about time he knew what it felt like.

Monique arrived very late to Transfiguration and was fairly ruffled.

"Sorry I'm late Professor," she said. "I felt a bit ill so I stayed in bed for a bit. I feel better now though."

"Ok, just get to work with Miss Evans," Professor McGonagall was slightly preoccupied with a large teapot which was running around the classroom and snorting.

"I see you had a good time," Lily said.

"A _very_ good time," Monique said.

It wasn't long until the whole school knew about Monique's shenanigans. Sirius was still angry.

"Why did you blow me off earlier?" he snapped.

"Whatever do you mean?" Monique asked, innocently.

"We were going to meet off then you go off with Alex!" Sirius hissed.

"Well, I got busy didn't I? I obviously had better things to do," Monique said airily. "Why don't you run off to your giggling fan-girls? They might provide some comfort to you. As for me, I have bigger fish to fry."


	17. Revenge

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

A/N: So here's the next chapter! I hope you like it, I apologise once again to The Green Bird (was it you who had to remind me about the uniform? Sorry about that, I have changed it incase you didn't know). I'm working on the next chapter as I'm on my school holidays and I have nothing better to do except homework and shopping in this boring little village. So yeah, I've been updating pretty quickly for once haven't I? Pluz I've had a sudden flurry of creativity! hehe So anyway enjoy and please please please review! I love getting reviews (as does any writer I guess!) but I really appreciate all my reviewers and I'm not going to list all their usernames but if I read a review and you're asking a definite question I will try to reply to it (if I can). So thanks to everyone who reviews! You know this is the best fanfic I've ever written, I have loads of reviews and over 7000 reads for this fic! I'm sooooo proud of myself! YAY! I guess I'd better stop rambling so here's the story... xxx

* * *

Sirius decided it was about time for revenge. No girl messed him around without getting just as good back. He was Sirius Black. He had a reputation to keep.

"Remus stop complaining and just write down what I tell you," Sirius snapped.

"I don't get why I have to write it down," Remus said. "I'm sure you're perfectly capable of using a quill aren't you?"

"Yes but you're my scribe! That's the point! I speak and you write, no questions asked. Please Moony, just do it," Sirius said. "This is important." The Marauders were sat in an empty classroom. This was strange for a Saturday afternoon, they'd usually spend their weekends pranking, sneaking down to Hogsmeade or lounging outside in the sun. Well, Sirius was stood at the front of the class. Remus was sat at a desk crouched over a scroll of parchment. James was slouching on a desk, staring out of the window at Lily and a few of her friends studying outside in the sun. The only one sitting properly was Peter. He sat, paying attention as if it were a lesson.

"Ok, this is going to be my list of possibilities. I'm going to show Monique she can't mess me around. Now, there's that blonde one in Ravenclaw. Rachel! That's her name. Rachel from Ravenclaw. Siobhan Myers, she's pretty. Victoria Redwood, now there's a stunner…" And the list went on. Remus's hand was aching by the end of it. It took up almost two feet of parchment in Remus's tiny handwriting.

"That's just the first draft. Now I have to work out a shortlist of about twenty. Then ten, then five then the lucky girl who gets asked out," Sirius grinned, obviously proud of his wonderful plan.

"I still don't get why we're sat in here on a sunny Saturday afternoon Padfoot," James sighed.

"I need your help on choosing these girls. Come on guys, I'm no miracle worker. There's just not enough time to use all these girls against Monique and _Alex_," Sirius spat his name as if it were poison.

"Sirius, half of these girls have boyfriends," James said, scanning the list.

"Not until they know _I'm_ after them," Sirius said. You could visualise him following that up with an evil laugh.

"Sirius, you have enough on your plate without having a load of angry boyfriends on your back," James said. "Cross out all the taken girls Moony, it's wrong to mess with them."

"Fine Prongs, practically ruin my plan," Sirius sniffed. "Who's left?" Remus scribbled out a couple more names.

"A lot of girls, do we really have to do this? Why is Monique that important?" Remus asked.

"Because, no one messes with _Sirius Black!_" Sirius declared.

The boys debated who should be short listed for hours.

"No way should Jennifer Thomas be taken off there!" James said. "She's much better looking than Alice Pentry!"

"No way Prongs! Jennifer is too short! She's a midget! I need someone taller, with a little height but not too much height," Sirius said. "Take Jennifer off there!" Remus drew a line through Jennifer's name.

"Sirius, we've been here ages! Can we please go back to the common room? The kitchens? I need food!" Peter wined.

"No not yet Peter! I just need to pick one out of these five. Then we're finally done," Sirius said. "Let's work it into a list."

"Yvonne is definitely fifth," James said.

"Agreed," Sirius grinned.

…

"So that's that then," Sirius grinned and flexed his fingers. "Daisy Fairbrother, you're my lucky girl." Remus's hand ached.

"Never again," he muttered.

"Now can we go to the kitchens?" Peter asked.

"YES!" the other three snapped.

It turned out it was dinner time anyway so the boys went down to the Great Hall with the rest of the school. Peter didn't notice anything once he'd started eating. Sirius purposely chose a seat next to Daisy. She seemed to melt into a blonde, giggly syrup. It didn't take long for her to agree to go out with him on the next Hogsmeade trip. She laughed at everything he said, even if it weren't funny.

"Hey Alex," Monique smiled, a little way down the table. Monique was wedged between Lily and Alex. She neatly fitted under his arm. Sirius took notice of this and put his arm around Daisy. Monique didn't seem to notice him. He was surprised; most of the Great Hall kept glancing angrily at Daisy as her shrill giggles pierced their ears.

"I've got to go babe, detention," Alex, got up smoothly.

"I'll see you later then," Monique smiled. She knew Sirius was watching and pulled Alex down for a long kiss. She could sense his anger. It amused her. Alex grinned to himself and left Monique feeling triumphant once again.

"Erm, Monique, you might want to check out the spectacle taking place to your left," Lily said tentatively. Monique turned her head. The arrogant smile on her lips soon turned to a look of disgust. Daisy Fairbrother was practically on Sirius's lap as they attempted to suck each other's face off.

"That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. I mean, with all his fan girls saying how much of a good kisser he is why does it look like he's just attached his face to hers and decided to have a serious vacuum down her throat?" Monique asked. Sirius's obvious display of affection earned him a detention from Professor McGonagall but the look he saw on Monique's face was worth it. So worth it.

Monique stomped up to the Common Room. _What an arrogant prat! Sucking that poor innocent girl's face off just to spite me! Well if he thinks he can get away with pulling one over on me he has another thing coming! It's time for the school to see what an attractive guy Sirius Black really is!_


	18. IT BURNS!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

A/N: heya! I hope you like this chappie. It's pretty long and I hope you like Monique's little espianage/revenge and their lil argument at the end! The next chapter will be the Winter Ball. I hope a ball isn't too cliched but I promise it's really important to the plot. hehehehehe! Remember to review! I luff all my reviewers! xxxx

* * *

It was late. Everyone was asleep. Well not _everyone_, there was one girl still awake. Monique lay in bed. She waited until everyone's breathing seemed deep and steady. She whipped the duvet off her bed. She was dressed to spy and lurk. She wore all black. Her long, swishy hair was twisted into a secure bun. She retrieved her black backpack, containing everything she needed to ruin Sirius Black's image. She stealthily made her way down into the common room then back up to the boy's dorm. _Well, it still smells the same. And I know where Sirius keeps his stash._ Monique smiled to herself as she crept through the piles of dirty clothes. She finally made her way to the bathroom cabinet. There were just three shelves in this cabinet above the sink. But it was crammed full of Sirius's different moisturisers, aftershaves, lotions and colognes. _He has more stuff than I do. He has more stuff than all the girls in our dorm put together! What the hell is all this stuff?_ Monique pulled a random pot from the top shelf. The label read: Pure Radiance Facial Moisturiser! Dazzle with this miracle working moisturiser, it moisturises AND makes you look radiant! _Ew, this boy is so metrosexual!_ _Lily has that moisturiser!_ Monique bit her lip to stop herself from laughing. She took down a lime green bottle. It was identical to the moisturiser Lily used. Sirius had at least three cleansers. And two face washes. And about ten aftershaves, all of different scents. _Well, I'd better get to work then…_

Monique awoke to a glass shattering scream. She smiled, _my job, is done._ She quickly pulled the covers off herself and, still in her pyjama top and shorts, ran up to the dorm room. She peeked in to see a screaming Sirius running around in circles.

"IT BURNS! IT BURNS!" he screeched. Peter was panicking.

"What? Fire!? Noooooooooo!" Peter was soon up and following Sirius, running around like a deluded maniac. James was laughing uncontrollably and Remus was trying to talk sense into Sirius.

"Come on Sirius! What did you put on your face? I'm sure I can get the rash cleared up…" Monique couldn't help but giggle as she wandered back to her dorm.

Monique's plan had certainly gone well. Not only did Sirius use the moisturiser and aftershave, he also decided to have a shower. He had to be literally dragged into the Great Hall. Monique didn't blame him; she wouldn't want to walk around with acid bright blue hair, a big red rash on her face and a green tinge to her skin. As Sirius drew nearer Monique saw a grey patch around his mouth. _The aftershave._

"What the hell happened to you?" Monique asked, faking surprise. She'd always been a great liar.

"Shut up," Sirius snapped. He had suspected Monique but she seemed so surprised. And she was laughing in surprise at him. He was a pranker, he knew that it was a different laugh if you saw your prankee coming. It was an arrogant, triumphant laugh. Not an oh-my-god-what-happened-to-that-loser laugh. Only, Sirius didn't think he was a loser. Just a victim.

"Nicely done Monique," Lily whispered, giggling.

"Thank you, thank you very much!" Monique grinned.

"How long do you think it will take for that rash to go down?" Lily asked.

"About a week," Monique shrugged. Lily laughed.

"Let's hope it lasts until the Winter Ball," Lily grinned.

"I totally forgot about that! Who are you going with?" Monique asked, launching into girl-mode.

"I'm not sure," Lily said.

"Why don't you just go with James for once," Monique suggested. Lily looked at her incredulously, as if she were suggesting Lily jump into bed with him.

"That, is the worst idea I have ever heard," Lily said.

"Come on Lils, he's not that bad," Monique pleaded. "And he'd be so happy. You're always trying to help people and make them happy. Here's your chance and all you have to do is spend one night with him!"

"He always seems pretty happy with himself if you ask me," Lily muttered.

"That's just because he hides it well. He's really hurt when you reject him all the time so he goes off on rebounds. He really likes you Lily. That's why he tries so hard to impress you," Monique said. Lily sighed, deep in thought.

"You're not going to let me refuse are you?" Lily asked after a while. Monique broke into a large grin.

"YAY!" she squealed, pulling Lily into a hug. "Go ask him!"

"No! I'll ask him quietly in the common room later," Lily said. Monique smiled.

"It's the Hogsmeade trip tomorrow so after I have drinks with Alex in the Three Broomsticks, lets meet at around two and go shopping! I need to find a dress for this ball anyway," Monique smiled.

"Sure, I'm sure I can escape from James by then," Lily said.

It was soon settled that Monique was going with Alex to the ball and almost immediately after Sirius asked Daisy. Lily had asked James quietly in the common room. Or as quietly as she could.

"James," she said, through gritted teeth.

"Yes, Evans," James grinned, his hand flying up to mess up his already messy hair.

"Could I talk to you, in private?" Lily asked. James got up quickly and followed Lily away from all the others.

"What is it dearest?" James asked.

"Will you-," Lily sighed. "Will you go… Willyougototheballwithme?"

"YES! FINALLY! WHO DARES WINS! WHO SAID PERSISTENCE WOULDN'T PREVAIL! SIRIUS BLACK DID! AND HE WAS WRONG! MWAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! YESSSSSSSSSSSS!" James yelled. He started to run in circles around the room. He was high on happiness. Lily was shell-shocked. The whole common room were following James with their eyes.

"I GOT THE GIRL! I'M GOING TO THE WINTER BALL WITH LILY EVANS!" James screeched. Lily went bright red and ran up to the dorm.

"Nice going mate!" Sirius clapped James on the back.

"And who do you have to thank?" Monique asked, grinning.

"Me, my mother and father for their genes, Sirius for always standing by me, my hair…" James began a speech.

"No you idiot! ME! I convinced her to ask!" Monique said.

"Really?! Thank you!" James, threw his arms around Monique, engulfing her into a crushing hug.

"You're welcome," Monique managed to say. James let go. "I'll see you at the ball then. I'll be with Alex of course." Monique shot a look at Sirius.

"Yeah, we will, I'll be with Daisy," Sirius said.

"Have a good time, I'm sure you will, Daisy's just adorable isn't she? A little _too_ blonde if you get my meaning but adorable still," Monique said. Sirius scowled.

"At least I'm not going with some poser who sleeps with everyone he meets," Sirius said.

"No, I know I'm not, Daisy is," Monique smiled at her own wit. It took Sirius a second to figure out what she meant.

"If you're looking for a fight-" Sirius began.

"I must say I'm not, but if you are let me just remind you that I have kicked you in the balls before and I'd be happy to oblige again. It's not the biggest target I could've asked for, but I have a very good aim," Monique said.

"Well… well at least I don't have tiny tits!" Sirius said. Monique just gave him a look. And Sirius slapped himself on the forehead at how pathetic his comeback was.


	19. Taking the Risk

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

A/N: Well here is is. Up much later than I thought it would. I got swamped with omework, revision and I had parties to go to lol. I hope you like it. Please review. I love you all my reviewers! xxx

* * *

The Sixth year girls' dorm was in utter chaos. Clothes, make up and waxing strips were strewn everywhere.

"Never again!" Lily said, rubbing a bright red patch on her leg.

"Come on Lils, it wasn't that bad," Monique said. "You little softie."

"It hurt like hell," Lily said. "Look at my leg! I can't wear my dress with a bright red rectangle on my leg!"

"Chill Lily, just put some ice on it," Monique said, conjuring an ice pack and slapping it onto Lily's calf. Lily gasped.

"That's cold," she breathed.

"That's the idea," Monique said. "Soothing. Just leave it like that." Monique got up and wandered over to the dresser. She sat down and began to run her hands through her hair.

"What should I do with it?" she wondered aloud. Sara, her fellow Gryffindor came up to Monique.

"Can I curl it?! Can I curl it?!" she squealed.

"No! I don't curl my hair," Monique said. After serious deliberation Monique pulled her hair up into a bun with strands falling out. Lily wouldn't stop complaining about the ice until Monique let her take it off.

"You do realise my leg is frozen," Lily mumbled.

"Oh Lily you could go covered in purple spots and green boils all over you and James wouldn't notice a thing," Monique said. "He'd probably compliment them or convince everyone it was a new fashion trend."

"It still looks pretty red to me," Lily said, inspecting her leg.

"Well it won't once it's warmed back up again, just put your make up on," Monique said. Monique's dress was hung from her four poster bed. It was made of layers of sheer white material, it swished and seemed to float around as she wore it and shimmered slightly. She was borrowing Lily's gold heels and was wearing her mum's old gold locket. Monique had convinced Lily to go for a daringly short blue dress.

"You never take any risks Lily, the Winter Ball has to make up for all the times you haven't," she'd said. It was satin and looked gorgeous on Lily.

"So, you're going with Alex," Sara said.

"Yeah," Monique shrugged.

"Is he a good kisser?" Sara asked.

"Yeah, I guess, he's alright," Monique replied. Monique began to brush on some eyeliner.

"I reckon he's more than alright," Sara said. Monique's head snapped in her direction.

"What would you know?" she asked.

"We're having a casual thing, I thought you knew," Sara said.

"No, I didn't but it's not like I care," Monique said. "It's not like he's my boyfriend or anything." Only Lily could tell that Monique was bubbling up under her cool exterior.

"Monique, chill," Lily whispered.

"I am chilled Lily," Monique hissed. " Can I borrow your shoes now?" Lily handed the gold heels over. Monique disappeared into the bathroom to change.

"Lils, can you zip me up?" Monique asked, coming back into the room. Lily obliged, when Monique was like this Lily felt like she was waiting for a bomb to explode. It was like walking on egg shells. Monique looked utterly stunning in her dress. _If this doesn't work on Sirius, nothing will. Except maybe seeing me naked. But I'm not sure I'd go that far._

"Wow, you look great," Alex grinned at Monique. She just shrugged. The Great Hall had been transformed into a Winter Wonderland. It was all silver and sparkly.

"Drinks?" Alex asked. Monique grunted and Alex took it for a yes. She made a beeline for Lily and James, who were coincidentally stood with Sirius and Daisy. Monique was pleased to see that Sirius' rash hadn't yet gone. There was still a reddish tinge to his face.

"Daisy! How are you!? That dress looks adorable on you!" Monique grinned. Daisy giggled and did a twirl.

"Thanks Monique, you look great too," Daisy said. "I don't know how Sirius is going to keep his hands off me tonight! Right Sirius?" But Sirius didn't reply. He was staring at Monique, momentarily stunned.

"Sirius!" Daisy snapped, kicking his shin.

"What? Oh er, yeah, Daisy looks really, er, _smokin'_ tonight," Sirius said.

"Obviously someone thinks they're living in some sort of teen movie," Monique muttered. _What the hell? Smokin?? Since when did Sirius use words like smokin? _

"Me and Lily are having a great time," James grinned. Lily smiled at her shoes.

"Well?" Monique grinned, she kicked her.

"Yeah, I guess we are," Lily mumbled. James grinned so big Monique thought his face might explode.

"Here's your drink," Alex handed over a glass.

"Thanks," Monique said, being careful not to drop it. This wasn't the time for her clumsiness. She smiled, widely at Alex.

"Look Daisy, Alex got me this lovely bracelet last week. Isn't it pretty?" Monique held her hand out to show Daisy the silver chain.

"Wow, it looks pretty expensive," Daisy said, examining the silver stars dangling from it.

"It wasn't that expensive," Alex shrugged, he was filthy rich and threw galleons around as if they were knuts. Monique smiled at Sirius.

"It's great that Alex wants to treat me so much, he's so generous," she grinned. Sirius grunted. Monique smiled even more.

"Come on Alex, let's dance," Monique grinned, taking him to the dancefloor.

"Who the hell does she think she is?!" Sirius snapped.

"What? She was just being friendly, gosh Sirius, I thought you two were friends," Daisy said.

"Nevermind," Sirius said. _God, she is stupid!_

Everyone seemed to be having a great time. Monique wasn't. she was bored, angry, miserable. She'd taken her eyes off Alex for one minute and he'd run off to the broom closet with some girl. She was stood outside, leaning on the stone balcony with her elbows. It was cold but Monique didn't feel it.

"Hey," someone said.

"Great, it's you," Monique recognised Sirius's voice in an instant.

"It's nice to know I'm appreciated," Sirius stood next to her.

"Yeah, I guess it must be nice knowing there's never enough room for you _and_ your ego wherever you go," Monique said.

"You look nice," Sirius said

"Shut up, I'm not Daisy," Monique said.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I can see right through you Sirius Black! You go round sweeping girls off their feet and then chucking them out once you're done. You don't care about anyone else's feelings! Have you not seen girls sobbing over you?!" Monique yelled.

"What does that have to do with you?"

"I am not one of those girls who is going to fall for your stupid lines. I am not going to get hurt," Monique said.

"Lesbian," Sirius muttered.

"Oh that is rich isn't it? Just because one girl refuses to fall for you she's a lesbian! Do you know how ridiculous you sound?!" Monique yelled.

"But you love it," Sirius grinned.

"ARGH! You are so annoying!" Monique screamed. He just chuckled and Monique couldn't keep the smile off of her face. "I hate you."

"Aww, I love you too!" Sirius laughed, pulling Monique into a hug. But somehow their lips brushed against each other and neither of them pulled away. Monique's mind was empty, fixated on the sensation of Sirius's lips on hers.


	20. Kissing, Idiotic Dancing and Luurrrrrve

Disclaimer :I dnt own HP  
A/N : Ok, this has taken me ages to update. Probably because I don't want this fic to end. It's been soooo great and this is one last thanks to all peeps who reviewed! It seems like a very long time ago when I started this. This is the last chapter! It's finished! lol Luff you all xxxx

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It felt perfect. Almost too perfect to be true. Sirius pulled away abruptly. Monique saw Alex's hand on Sirius's shoulder.

"What do you think you're doing?" he spat.

"Snogging a gorgeous girl, what does it look like?" Sirius replied coolly. Monique bit her lip to stop herself from smiling at the thought of it.

"Just calm down Alex," Monique said. _I'm such a good voice of reason!_

"You're just as bad!" Alex snapped.

"How's that slut you ran off with? Was she good?" she asked sarcastically. Alex's mouth opened and closed in an absurd fashion.

"Face it Alex, what we had, and trust me it meant nothing, is over. It's gone! Its saw far away it is a dot to you!" Monique said. Alex tried to interrupt. "A DOT! IT'S A DOT!" He looked at her like she was crazy and walked off. _Well I am crazy! Crazy in lurrrrve! Ok maybe not! _ Sirius turned back to face her.

"Looks like you like me," he grinned. "I get them all in the end."

"Yeah, that rash is a great turn on," Monique said. Sirius blushed.

"I'm going to kill whoever did that," he muttered.

"It'd be a bit hard to snog me once I'm cold and buried you know," Monique grinned.

"It was… it was you!?" Sirius yelled. Monique just carried on grinning. "And you say I'm annoying." She giggled. _Oh my god, I'm turning into a giggling schoolgirl, over Sirius Black! Ewwww_.

"They're playing your favourite song," Monique said.

"How do you know my favourite song??" Sirius questioned with a raised eyebrow. "I'm beginning to think you've fancied me for very long, although who wouldn't I am totally gorgeous after all." Sirius shut up when she kicked him in the shin. "That's going to bruise."

"I know because you're humming the annoying tune to the chorus all the time, if you must know," Monique said, mirroring his raised brow.

"That hurt," Sirius said.

"And I thought you were a _real man_," Monique sighed.

"I am a real man!" Sirius said, sticking out his chest.

"Real men don't walk around shoving their tits out Sirius," she laughed.

"I don't have tits!" Sirius said, his chest deflating.

"I seem to remember you saying '_At least I don't have tiny tits'_ at me. Real men know how to dance!" Monique said.

"I'm a wonderful dancer!" Sirius grinned, grabbing her hand. He pulled her right onto the dance floor and began to 'dance'. It was horrific. Putting the fact that he injured a few people aside he looked like a windmill come to life. Flinging his arms around and bashing his head in tune to the music. Of course, it wasn't long until his fan girls started to copy him. It was scary. Sirius and his clones with their war dance. Of course Monique just laughed at him. As did Lily and James. She felt mournful as the song ended; she could've used just a few more laughs.

"Well, what do you think?" Sirius asked.

"I don't think you're going to be winning any prizes on dancing," Monique said.

"What do you mean?!" Sirius grinned and began to fling his arms around again.

"Ok, stop!" Monique grabbed him and Sirius pulled her in for a kiss. "You're an idiot, but I love you in spite of that."

"Well, you're mean and violent, but I love you in spite of that too," Sirius smiled.


End file.
